Wedding of Swank

The Anniversary Dance

2005-08-13T20:21:00.000-07:00

By the age of 16 I knew that I did not want a boquet toss at my wedding. I could not, with good conscience, force friends to participate in an activity I so thoroughly loathed. There has been once in my adult life I have willingly participated in a boquet toss, and that was at my friend Heidi's wedding, as the friendship was stronger than the hate of the activity.

In lieu Sweetie and I opted to have an anniversary dance, where you call all married couples up on the dance floor and slowly eliminate people (if you've been married less than one day, sit down), until the couple that has been married the longest is left out on the dance floor, and they are presented with the boquet.

Once the guest list was compiled we set out to determine who the lucky winners would be and determined that it was George and Betty, who celebrated their 60th anniversary earlier this year. This was FABULOUS news, because in addition to George and Betty being really wonderful people it allowed me to perpetuate a bit of an inside joke between my mom and them.

Once upon a time there was a party of some sort (perhaps a birthday party for Betty? I'm not totally sure on this point) at a Red Robin which George was hosting and my parents were attending. Drinks had been ordered, and as luck would have it Mom chose a drink that happened to come in a Red Robin coffee mug and for the price of the drink you got to keep the mug. A friend of Mom's had ordered the same drink. George picked up that round of drinks, and gave Mom and her friend a hard time about how he had bought the mugs as well. So Mom and her friend both gifted the mugs back to George at some point. And they've been gifted back and forth several times over the years.

As luck would have it, Mom was in posession of the mug when we figured out the George and Betty would be the last ones standing for the anniversary dance, so in addition to presenting them with the boquet, we presented them with the mug - filled with Hershey's kisses. The story gets better, as Mom's friend was in posession of her mug as well, and after the dance she told me said mug was delivered to George and Betty's hotel room while we were all at the wedding.

Upon the completion of the dance George decided to lay some words of wisdom on Sweetie: "One bit of advice, 'yes dear, yes dear, yes dear.'" Betty commented that she KNEW it was worth it to get us a nice present for the shower! They are such fun people!

I hope Sweetie and I have 60 years of happiness ahead of us, and that we're such fun when that day comes.

The Bride's Side

2005-08-11T19:40:00.000-07:00

A couple of things Sweetie missed in his previous post:

The Tri-City pitcher who threw 12/13 balls? We might have had something to do with that. After he walks the first guy and then his first three pitches to #2 were balls we started chanting: BALL THREE, BALL THREE, BALL THREE. Guess what? He threw a ball! We started again: BALL FOUR, BALL FOUR, BALL FOUR. Got a lot of the crowd to chant along with us. The pitching coach came out for a conference on the mound. When he finally got pulled and the new guy came in we tried to get it going again: BALL ONE, BALL ONE, BALL ONE. Mr. Tri-City guy, if you happen to stumble across this blog, I'm sorry, but part of coming up through the minors is learning to deal with heckling.

Also, there is a key piece of the story Sweetie left out with Dad of Swank and "What's in the Car?" I am a former employee of the Tri-City Dust Devils. As such, I've got a lot of Dust Devils swag still floating around the house. I don't really hold any allegiance to the team, as the reason I am no longer in baseball is they basically tried to turn me into a slave, but the printed version of the mascot is cute and the BP cap is REALLY cool looking. Sweetie had offered to get me an Everett cap before the rehearsal dinner to wear during the first pitch, but I decided I'd rather wear my Dust Devils cap. Dad decided to wear a Dust Devils golf shirt that night (he probably still roots for the team. He's loyal to his teams beyond fault). I was joking we'd be like the Montague's and Capulets - Aquasox and Dust Devils - but hopefully without the suicide at the end of it all.

When it came time for "What's in the Car?" I walked Dad down to the appropriate section of the Stadium. Anytime you do an onfield promotion for a baseball game you're going to be stuck just sitting around for a little while, because you never know how long an inning will be, and need to be on the sidelines ready to go. The Aquasox guy who would be emceeing "What's in the Car?" noticed the Dust Devils wear, and I explained to him how I used to work for the team. So Dad gets onfield and it goes something like this:

Mr. Aquasox guy: "We're here for What's in the Car, and I've got Dad of Swank here with me this evening. He's got a Dust Devils shirt on, so I'm not quite sure how we let him out on the field, but anyway here we go. The clue tonight is PLASTIC. Would you like this brand new Aquasox hat or what's in the car? Actually, I'll give you $20 cash to get a new shirt if you take the hat, so do you want that or what's in the car?"

I'm yelling at my dad to take the cash (just to see if the guy would really cough up the dough), but Dad opted for what's in the car. Won a $50 gift certificate that would kill Sweetie if we got within a block of it, so Mom and Dad will get to do dinner on their own next time they're up in Seattle.

The baseball rehearsal dinner

2005-08-11T18:09:00.000-07:00

My wife and I were worried that the rehearsal dinner (at an Everett AquaSox baseball game) was going to be too good. We thought people might show up at the ceremony or reception and think "gee, that was okay, but were you at that baseball game?" Well, thank goodness the ceremony and reception also kicked butt, because the rehearsal dinner was breathakingly awesome.

The main issue (as it was the whole weekend) was traffic. The dinner was supposed to start at 5:30, but nobody made that...mostly, people arrived at 5:45-5:50 or so. No sweat...an hour was pretty long for grilled chicken anyhow. People gathered their food (including two strangers who then sat under our tent while we made the toasts and gave out gifts...how weird is that?).

I hadn't planned my toasts to my brother, college buddy, or parents--figured I'd just speak from the heart--but I should have prepared something. I was completely at a loss for words. How do you thank the people you're closest to for a lifetime of love while being pithy and funny? I fell short, but I think they all got the message.

Swankette wanted to get her arm warmed up for her first pitch, but I'd forgotten our gloves. Fortunately, one of the best men brought a pair of gloves, and someone else had a baseball...so we ducked out of the tent and played a little catch.

Then, the waiting. We had to sit aside and wait for her first pitch and my anthem singing. It's easy to get nervous while waiting there. Swankette started to get cold feet...not about the marriage, but about throwing from the rubber. The previous first pitchers (the AquaSox give out a LOT of first pitches!) were throwing form the grass in front of the mound. Swankette turned to me and said:

"Do you think I should throw from the rubber?"
You should do whatever you want, dear.
"No. I need your opinion. Should I throw from the rubber?"
Do what you'd like.
"Seriously! Am I ready?"

I finally suggested she walk to the base of the mound, and if it looked easy, she could step back to the rubber. She did that...and wound up splitting the difference, pitching from the mound, but not as far back as the rubber. It reached catcher J.B. Tucker on the fly. WOOHOO! Not bad for someone who was only throwing 45 feet a few months ago.

The catcher takes a photo with first-pitch deliverers, and Swankette had said she'd say: "This is my last night as a single woman." I would have even accepted a last quick grope--but Swankette wound up saying nothing.

Then my anthem. It went quite well. Joe, thankfully, had reminded me to keep my hand on my heart. I remembered to take my hat off and put it there, held the microphone in my left hand, gave myself the liberty of a few phrase-ending fermatas (fermati?), quieted down on "gave proof" and smiled on "flag was still there," and then got to "land of the free."

I'd promised myself I'd go up the fourth on "free." But I was wondering if I could pull it off.

When I started "free," I thought I'd not go up...but then I figured, what the hell, when will I sing an anthem at a pro ballgame again? Went up the fourth. Hit the note. Cool. There was a minor hiccup getting off the note, but nobody says they noticed.

My sister says my autistic nephew recognized my voice and just went bonkers.

I have a picture of me singing with the whole party in the stands in the background. My friends and family are reverentially looking at the flag...except for my mom and dad, who are watching me. It's a wonderful, frame-it, keep-it-forever picture.

THAT WAS COOL!!!!

So then comes the ballgame.

I never knew this, but the gazillion promotions that people go on the field for? If you're one of the groups at the ballpark, you get preferential treatment for those. So wedding people were on the field constantly!

First came my brother Dan and his five-year-old son Henry. They were put in competition with a stranger in "Fishin' for Tuition." Henry had to throw plastic fish towards Dan, standing 15 feet away, and Dan had to catch them in a fishing net. Henry said he'd throw them as quickly as he possibly could. He definitely did that...but he wasn't looking at his dad. So while my brother was standing east of Henry, Henry leaned over the fish bucket and chucked fish after fish over his shoulder...NORTH. Everyone started laughing...it was so cute. At the end, all 49 of us started chanting "HEN-RY! HEN-RY!" Which got most of the stadium chanting it as well.

My brother later reported this exchange:

HENRY: Why is everyone saying my name?
DAN: I guess they're just really happy to see you out there!
(pause)
HENRY: Then why aren't they saying your name?

Next came a remote-control car race. My Uncle Rick had to manipulate his car from third to first and back to third, and if he beat a stranger, he'd win $100. Well, both guys had trouble getting out of the box, but the stranger got out to about shortstop, then turned right a little bit. While he was trying to correct himself, Uncle Rick T-BONED HIM. Hard. Then literally ran him over. This disabled the stranger's vehicle, and Uncle Rick walked away with a hundred-dollar bill.

They selected the Dad of Swank to play "What's In The Car?" It's like "Let's Make a Deal". They give him an AquaSox hat and offer to have him trade it for "what's in the car," which could be good or bad. His clue was "plastic." He elected to go with what was in the car...and it was a $50 gift certificate to Bucca di Beppo's restaurant. Good choice!

Patrick, a seven-year-old friend of the family, ran the bases against the mascot! Patrick was adorable as usual...won. This extends the mascot's eight-year losing streak.

Sweetheart of the Game? My wife, of course. She got flowers from an Everett flower shop. This was the second time and second Northwest League ballpark at which she was named Sweetheart of the Game.

Our buddy Monika won the movie trivia contest by correctly identifying an audio clip from Some Like It Hot. That's a couple of free pay-per-view-cable movies, ice cream if ever she returns to Everett, and something else. And that's not one they gave to us...Monika won it fair and square!

So all of this is happening, and everyone's laughing, joking, scoring the game on the scorecards we'd made up as gifts (or doing the word search, crossword, and maze we'd put on the back of the scorecard). A Tri-City pitcher comes and throws 13 pitches...12 of them balls. Tri-City wins anyway.

Then--the fireworks. The best fireworks show I've ever seen at a minor league game, and I've seen a few. It was beautiful, the music was fantastic...it was a FANTASTIC way to transition from the game into the wedding day.

I kept saying to anyone who would listen that this was exactly what we had in mind from the very beginning. It completely set the mood for the weekend, reflected our personality, gave people a chance to hang out together and bond...it was perfect. The whole weekend was unforgettable...but this was unforgettable and completely unique to our weekend. We'll treasure this experience, therefore, in a unique way.

The Diet Coke Girls

2005-08-10T21:12:00.000-07:00

My years of event planning served me well in some aspects of the wedding, and one of those was the scheduling of the day. Plan yourself down to the minute, but allow ample time for each activity so you stay on schedule. That paid off best when it came to getting ready. The hairdresser said to allow two hours to do three hairdos (Mom's, mine and Kaphine's), but it didn't take her nearly that long. So hair started at 12:30 and the limo was coming at 3:00. That meant once the hair WAS done it left plenty of time for the four of us (the hairdresser stuck around) to just sip on our Diet Cokes and visit and chill. It was just like we were all getting together at someone's house for a nice visit. Except three of us were dressed in sweats or similar casual-wear with stupendous looking hair.

Just sitting, chilling with the girls like that, was just wonderful. All the stress and insansity and running around town was made worth it in that half hour, and similar moments throughout the day.

Because as special of a day as this was, and as big of an occasion as it was, in large part it was also just a big excuse to get to chill with family and friends for a few hours.

Attendants

2005-08-09T21:30:00.000-07:00

In reflecting on the big day one of the things I was most thankful for were my attendants.

Not only are Kaphine and Matt my two best friends that aren't related to me, but their yin and yang was perfect to keep me sane during the big day.

Kaphine was my protector and professional futzer. She played with my hair, carried my bag, fixed my train, bustled the dress, and generally just did stuff all day long. Just look at the photos - many of the group shots have her futzing to get hair, or a boutineire or something else just right. Half of the photos of Sweetie and I greeting our guests outside of the church have her right behind me, playing with my hair.

Matt was my calm in the store. He's been through this before, so he's an old pro. And he just exuced this sense of calm that was contagious. He knew when to crack a joke to release the tension, or when to give a shoulder rub before the stress exploded out of my ears.

A friend of a friend is serving as a bridesmaid later this year. She was asked not to tan if there was a chance of getting strap marks, as the bridesmaid's dresses are strapless and would ruin the look. She's been asked to grow out her hair, so all the bridesmaids can have matching dues. And she's being paid cold hard cash not to dye is some crazy color, because you aren't allowed crazy colored hair when standing up in a wedding.

Me, I'm glad I chose my friends for the support they've shown me over the years, and the continued support they'd show me through the day and through our lives together, rather than how cute they'd look standing up there at the altar. Of course, we all looked fabulous, but that was just a fringe benefit.

What do these activities have in common?

2005-08-09T01:35:00.000-07:00

Washing my hands.
Clapping.
Shampooing.
Carrying suitcases.
Putting on sunblock.
Removing gloves.
A few other things I'm forgetting.

Answer to come...

One Little Gloat

2005-08-09T00:08:00.000-07:00

Friends of the family attended a wedding this last weekend - one of their children's friends or some such. And apparently, while at this wedding (which I'm sure was wonderful and beautiful in its own special way) they couldn't stop gushing about the Wedding of Swank.

Sweetie and I wanted a memorable and fun event for everyone involved, and I think that proves success.

Lost and Found

2005-08-08T23:50:00.000-07:00

A woman's pink jacket was left behind at the reception. It's currently in the hands of Mom of Swank, and the investigations both her and Mom-in-law have persued thus far have found no one who will claim it as their own.

So if you're missing a pink jacket (from what I've been told I am guessing of medium or smaller size, but that's just supposition) let us know and we'll make arrangements to get it back to you.

Ah, Traffic

2005-08-08T23:33:00.000-07:00

First off, the apology:

Dear wedding guests: We are terribly, terribly sorry that it took over an hour to get from the wedding to the reception. Seriously, it was supposed to be about a 15 minute drive. We didn't know about the parade that would be occurring directly between the two locales until about 2 weeks before the wedding, and that was only thanks to the fact that the boss's best friend's son getting married the same day. Had we known when we were scheduling everything we would have made alternate arrangements.

Now that that's out of the way, the unforseen traffic also led to one of my favorite random memories of the day. This one gets top billing because we got the proofs from the photographer today, and in addition to being a beautiful moment, our tres fabu photographer captured the moment PERFECTLY on film:

So Sweetie and I planned to have our photos taken at Kerry Park between the ceremony and the reception. The park is about 5 minutes away from the reception site, so between the bit of extra travel time and the time to take the photos, it would be the perfect amount of time for us to arrive at the reception and make a grand entrance once everyone else had arrived.

Except we had the limo driver who knew all the back roads through town to escape traffic. And most of our guests were out-of-towners traveling the worst possible route traffic-wise, but the best possible route Sweetie and I could come up with in terms of ease of direction.

Tangent Moment: While at the public park there was a family there with a girl who couldn't be more than 4 or 5 who had a disposable camera and desperately wanted to take a photo of the bride and groom at the park. The parents were whispering something to her along the lines of, "No, you can't do that." We shouted out "It's OK if she takes a picture of us." So she did. But then she wanted to take more. And it was a camera with real film. And as much as this little girl wanted to take photos of the girl in the big-ass white dress and the boy in the tux, mom doesn't want to spend the gazillion dollars it costs to purchase a camera and develop film to have photos of us! So sorry if we created a monster that night, mom. We're young (he!) and in love, we don't have kids yet so couldn't think about the further implications our assent would entail.

Anyway, back to the real story. So we get to the park. The photographer gets there 10 minutes later. Spends a good 10 minutes setting up his equipment. Gets photos of us with the city as a backdrop. Get's photos of us with Mt. Rainier as a backdrop. Gets photos of us with the cool limo as a backdrop. We're getting near done with the photos, and I hear a familiar voice behind me call out, "Hey, can you tell us how to get to the party?"

Friends of the family from Portland (the people who, outside of my relations, have known me longer than anyone else attending the wedding and the person who has one of the best Swankette haircut stories ever on the planet) have SOMEHOW arrived at Kerry Park. Now, the park isn't necessarily FAR from the reception site, I just have a difficult time imagining HOW someone could get lost in such a way as THAT is where they would end up. But end up there they did.

So we stopped for a moment, and I gave him directions. (Thankfully from this location the directions were drive up there, turn right, drive a while, turn right and you're there). It was priceless! And the photographer got a shot of the two of us, both of us pointing up the road. I believe the conversation was something to the effect of:

Me: "Drive up that way to the stoplight"
Him: "I'm driving that way up to the stoplight?"

So much for the grand entrance. But I'm glad to give it up to share that totally random moment.

Snapshots

2005-08-08T23:29:00.000-07:00

I want to record memories of the wedding, so as to hold on to them at all time, but rather than writing one monster post detailing every exact detail of the day, I envision a series of snapshots of memories, feelings, experiences I want to hold on to. It's probably going to take me several days to get all these out, as there is work that must be done and we are currently cleaning up from the detritus of the wedding bomb that has exploded in our condo, but I hope you enjoy reading about some of my favorite memories of the day. I've sure enjoyed reading and hearing about everyone else's experiences!

Yeah, I cried.

2005-08-08T19:06:00.000-07:00

I cried a LOT. It started...well, crap, it started at the damn rehearsal, when my kid sister was reading from Song of Solomon. I was crying, and then I was amazed I was crying, so I started laughing at myself for crying, and both my sister and the minister asked me why I had the giggles. They thought I was laughing until I cried, but actually the reverse was true...I cried until I laughed.

During the ceremony, my voice checked a little when I put the ring on her, but I totally lost it when she put the ring on me.

Then my big sister cried during the prayers, which didn't help me much.

Then--and this one blew me away--the MINISTER cried as she was banning our hands together with the sash. Those of you who don't think it's important to spend some quality time with your minister before the wedding...this pretty well cements that it is. That was an intense and wonderful moment...as it well should be!

I had it together by the offertory, but when my friends started singing "Go Ye Now In Peace..." well, Swankette knew I was in trouble, and I sat there, quaking wildly. I was so overwhelmed by all the love. I loved EVERYBODY that day. Joey, the kid who beat me up in second grade? Loved him. George W. Bush? For an hour or so, loved him. Why not? God had blessed me, and knocked me loopy with hunks and gobs of His love. It was ricocheting between my bride and I, bouncing off our families like a beach ball at a concert, growing and coloring the choir, then reproducing like a geometrical function, filling up the church, the city, the universe. My love was indiscriminate and infinite. I LOVED EVERYBODY.

I then lost it again as people exited the church and hugged us. So many people kept asking me if I was okay. Um...YES!!! Of COURSE! The okayest I've ever been! I was utterly overwhelmed by everyone we love--SO MANY of them!--supporting my deep-forever-love and I so loudly during the vows, sharing communion, and then hugging us! What kind of a question is "are you okay?"!!!!!

Thank God for my buddy Andrew, who hugged me and said, somewhat relieved:

"FINALLY. A groom as emotional as I was."

That's one of the key memorable moments for me. Thanks, Andrew--I hope to have a family as awesome as yours soon. Thanks, friends. And thanks, Bride, for being the focal point and generator of all that love.

(Yeah, that's syrupy. But I'm entitled. We've only been married nine days.)

More to come!

Call for Submissions

2005-08-08T00:45:00.000-07:00

If you were an attendee at the Wedding of Swank and you took photos, especially those of the digital variety, Sweetie and I would very much appreciate you e-mailing us copies of the photos.

1) So we can have them to love and cherish forever and ever; and

2) So we can share with those who were unable to attend the wedding, while waiting for the photos from the photographer to arrive.

Thanks much! And we promise to share others photos with you as well.

We're Ba-ack!

2005-08-08T00:40:00.000-07:00

Well, the hubby and I are fully honeymooned and back in Seattle to begin our real lives in wedded bliss. Expect more complete posts from both of us later, but some of us have to be at work in less than 8 hours and really should be getting off to bed soon.

In the meantime, if you haven't found them already, several people have blog posts related to our wedding out there right now and you should go read some of them.

The Final Countdown

2005-07-30T08:23:00.000-07:00

So insomnia is not a wholely terrible thing to have when you are an anal retenstive procrastinator planning a wedding. Helped me get a lot of necessary stuff done over the last few nights.

Friends and loved ones are in town. We have rehearsed, Sweetie cried (as did I, but it was his crying that got me started), pitches have been pitched and anthems have been sung.

I think the priest and her assistant are a bit trepidatious as to how things will go today, as during the rehearsal yesterday there was a lot of joking around going on. It was so we could all get it out of our system then so today will be fabulous, but they didn't totally believe us when we told them that. The priest has indicated that if something happens and she gets the giggles it's a done deal.

I had forgotten to bring the stand-in boquet to the rehearsal (paper plate covered with bows from the shower), and folks think it was on purpose. But really I had thought about it several times over the last week - if I don't bring that damn thing people will be mad - but leaving the house yesterday with the whining cat it REALLY slipped my mind. The upside is that the brother got it in his head that we needed flowers to practice with, so went out and scored us some. Sweetie had an ad hoc boutineire of a flower shoved through a button hole in his polo. I got a stem of something that I probably should know the name of, but don't. It was fabulously sweet.

There's one bit of the service where I'm a bit worried about my physical composure. We kneel on a kneeler pad, and the height of the step on which it sets, combined with the width of said step, and the big-ass dress and heels I'll be wearing make me a bit trepidatious. I was a bit shaky kneeling there yesterday, and that was without the wardrobe. This is our little secret for now, as no one involved needs to know until after the fact.

The rehearsal dinner was perfect - our friends and family got to do lots of on-field promotions and scored pretty big as a whole. During the picnic two random people showed up and started partaking of our food and enjoying the toasts and thank you's and such. Sweetie and I were seriously tempted to go great them with open arms, but didn't. Other than that the rehearsal dinner was perfect. Well, the Aquasox got creamed, but I was barely paying attention to the fact that a baseball game was going on, I was enjoying the friends and family too much.

Today will shortly become a whirlwind - set-up at the hall, make-up, hair, dress, limo to the church, and then I'll be me a Mrs. There will likely be details to follow.

We're here!

2005-07-29T09:04:00.000-07:00

Rehearsal today, wedding tomorrow!

Thanks to all readers of this site...there will be a full report after the honeymoon!

Bachelor party tonite!

2005-07-28T12:46:00.000-07:00

And my honey, kissing me goodbye as I leave for the day's activities, said: "Have fun whoring tonight!"

Damn! What a woman!

My bride is cute.

2005-07-26T23:59:00.000-07:00

Ever hang out with a little kid on Christmas Eve? Particularly a little kid who does not handle deferred gratification well?

Welcome to the world of Swankette.

A few days before her birthday this year, I was going to be home a little late from work. I called to let her know: "I'll be putting in a late day at school, and then I need to change the oil in the car, then have to head to the library for a sec, and then I'm going to shop for your birthday present, then grab a bite to eat and head home. So don't be worried."

That set her in motion. "What is it? What are you getting me? Where are you shopping?" This continued for the several days until her birthday. And Christmases...well, she can't stand waiting.

Take a birthday, and Christmas...and put to the power of about twenty...and this is where my baby is right now.

She's not sleeping much, but only sleeps when I'm with her. And she worked up to and including today. I'm a night owl on summer vacation, so I've taken to bringing the computer to bed with me so that she can sleep a few hours while I chill playing backgammon and checking blog.

Don't get me wrong...I'm very excited too. But I think it's different for me and her, possibly for all boys and all girls. For me, the nerves and excitement were more acute leading up to ASKING her.

Also, I have a personality waaaay different from hers vis-a-vis sleep. I have never in my life stayed up all night. Emotional highs? I get to sleep. Intense negative emotion...stress, grief? No problem. I get to sleep, even as an escape. Swankette? Um...she doesn't sleep much in the calmest of times. But I find it cute that she needs me here like her beloved Paul the Giraffe I got her for our first birthday together.

Paul the Giraffe has been supplanted by Teacherrefpoet the Person.

And come Sunday night, we'll be sleeping like babies on our honeymoon. (Or not.)

Proof of my love

2005-07-23T16:25:00.000-07:00

We have all decorations for our tables except for some sand dollars we wanted for one. Where the hell does one buy sand dollars? Well, today, I'm out and about and I come across a JoAnn's Fabrics and Crafts. Crafts, eh? Gotta be some sand dollars in there. So I VOLUNTARILY walked into a fabric store today.

I hate fabric stores. There's nowhere worse or more boring to go to as a young boy. Indeed, that's probably true as an older boy, too. Swankette jokes with me...shields me from fabric stores when we pass by. But dammit, this is a wedding. It's important. I waltzed right in.

They didn't have sand dollars, but Ben Franklin, which I later voluntarily walked into, did.

Decorations: Check.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

2005-07-22T23:05:00.000-07:00

OK, so a lot of people really love us. We've gotten all of our dishes (thanks, boss, who bought 11/12 sets!), all of the board games we've registered for, and the Kitchen Aid mixer. If the registries are correct we're also getting the digital camera and most of the knives we've selected.

However, Sweetie and I are both without someone to manage our fantasy baseball teams for the week we are away on honeymooon (which equals two weeks in fantasy baseball activations). We extended an invite to the members of our league to pinch hit for us, and there were no takers.

I suppose Icould just force my activations to someone in the league and they would graciously agree to do it, but that's just not the swank way.

So, internet, anyone wanna' do my activations for a couple of weeks? You get 2/3 of the Marlins Outfield, Michael Young, Jimmy Rollins, Freddy Garcia, and a bunch of other really not too horrible guys to work with.

SMACK

2005-07-21T22:15:00.000-07:00

The realization of the fact that I'm getting MARRIED has been slowly overtaking my body the last couple of weeks.

Some of it has been conscious: In our bi-weekly sales meeting last week I said something to the effect of, "Our next meeting will be the last day that Swankette will be your co-worker." The eye candy I work with started freaking out, "What, you're leaving after the wedding?!?!?!?" Oh, but were our friends that generous as to gift us with enough funds that I could stop working post-honeymoon.... but come August 8 Swankette will no longer be reporting to work, SwankPoet will. (Everyone else got the mind fuck I was playing with them.)

Some of it has been obvious: As in I can't remember the last time I got a full, decent night's sleep. Although my insomnia has started to take on new forms.

Some of it has been random: After the millionth time signing my name the other day, I tried a hand at signing the new name. My current signature is more conceptual than legible - lots of loopy, low letters that lead to a squiggle for a last name. The new last name is much more angular, going to take some getting used to.

But last yesterday it all just hit me like a ton of bricks: HOLYCRAPIMGETTINGMARRIEDINTENDAYS.

Part of it was the actual typing of the new name - informing a colleague not to be surprised when I returned from my impending vacation and she started getting e-mails from SwankPoet.

Part of it is the fact that you can now look up our wedding date on the extended forecast.

But a lot more of it has to do with the fact that everything is taking on this weird, historic quality to it. Like yesterday was the last Wednesday I would ever go to work as a single person. I changed the sheets yesterday, and so now these are the last set of sheets I'll sleep on as a single person. Today was the last trip to the dentist as a single person. And it's not like any of these items is that big of a deal. It's not like my last Thursday at work was significantly different than my last Wednesday, or that either of those will be much different than my first Wednesday back as SwankPoet. There's nothing that special about the sheets on the bed. And the dentist's office was exactly the same as it is every three months (except for the fact that today I found myself in the odd position of having to give a biographical backround of Sweetie and a complete rundown of our relationship in about 15 second to the dentist). But DANG! I'm getting MARRIED!

OK, so it really probably has to do with the fact that I can now say with ABSOLUTE 100% certainty that there will be no Bastard of Swank, and there will be no more nookie until the wedding night, so hormones are a raging at the moment, but DANG! I'm getting MARRIED!

And now we arrive at the insufferable part of the engagement. It's 8 pm on Christmas Eve and the presents are under the tree already, so why do we have to wait to open them, why can't we do it now? Or just give me a hint of what I got. Come on, tell me. Don't make me wait, I want to know now. But the hints are torturing me so I'm just going to go on and on and on and on and on and on because the waiting is just SHEER TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, if we didn't have several thousand dollars tied up in this already, and friends and family hadn't spend hundreds of dollars to come participate, and there weren't that carrot at the end of the stick called Kauai I'd probably be forcing Sweetie to the JP's right this very second so we didn't have to wait any longer.

But wait we must. And I will do my best. Thankfully, there are lots of little details to address that will take much of my time and attention over the next week and a half. But man, I wish it were already here.

Weather report

2005-07-21T15:31:00.000-07:00

Very exciting. The extended forecast now includes my wedding day!

For the rehearsal dinner/ballgame on the 29th: High of 72, sunny, with NO CHANCE OF RAIN!!! Dear God, please let the Weather Channel people be right with this one!

For the wedding on the 30th: Partly cloudy, high of 73. 10% chance of rain.

The Pragmatic Bride

2005-07-16T22:57:00.000-07:00

Sweetie and I will be spending the night before our wedding apart. Not so much for the tradition that we aren't allowed to see each other, as we'll be doing photos before the ceremony so that shoots that to hell. Rather, it seems best that at least one of us get a good night's sleep the night before we wed, and the only way to do that is to sleep in separate locations.

I've been an insomniac as long as I can remember. When stress is overtaking me I just can't stop THINKING and once that gets going I can't go to sleep. The only cure that I've found is late night TV. It's got to be totally uninteresting, because the noise will quiet the voices, but it won't be intriguing enough to grab my attention.

Usually the problem is I can't fall asleep, but the last week I've actually been waking up very, very early in the morning. And once I'm awake it's hard to get back to sleep. During the week I've just toughed it out in bed, as the alarm would be going off in an hour or so, but this morning I was awake at 4 am. Wasn't going to go back to sleep. Took some online distraction and an hour and a half of British DIY television to knock me out for another few hours.

And when I'm out on the couch dealing with the insomnia, Sweetie doesn't sleep as well either. Which is just about the sweetest thing ever.

Since the engagement I've resigned myself to the fact that I won't be getting a lick of sleep the night before the wedding. But now I'm realizing the two weeks before the wedding I'll take whatever I can get, but it sure as heck won't be enough.

Getting the marriage license.

2005-07-12T11:49:00.000-07:00

It combines the glory of young, engaged lovers with the boredom of a trip to the DMV.

Give and Take

2005-07-04T15:15:00.000-07:00

So the Rogue Garage Sale was a bust. All they had were 22 oz bottles, and that's just not feasible.

Tried to go to Grant's while we were in Yakima over the weekend. It's not there anymore.

So I went on a quest today, and wasn't coming home until I had a car-ful of booze.

Ended up at Pyramid, which may not be the BEST beer in the world, but it's drinkable and in the budget. As a bonus, their seasonal is a kolsch called Curve Ball. So we get baseball all the way through to the reception.

Tomorrow I tackle the wine. The wine shops with the good wine guys were closed today, and even though we may end up with two buck chuck I at least want to see if we can get something else to work in the budget.

Everett Bride Calls Off Wedding and Holds Party for the Homeless

2005-06-30T01:15:00.000-07:00

Here's the story you're looking for.

Our wedding is not being called off. Although there will be at least one formerly-homeless person in attendance, and we'll be doing our own little bit of charity.

We like the DJ.

2005-06-26T21:48:00.000-07:00

On the way home from our first shower today, the fiancee' and I dropped in on a pair of strangers' reception so we could see our DJ in action. He passed the test with flying colors.

It was a sleepy little reception...not too many people on the dance floor because (a) it was a small reception to begin with and (b) it was a very quiet, kinda dead crowd. Meat Loaf (we call our DJ Meat Loaf because of the physical resemblance he has to the "Paradise By The Dashboard Lights" singer) handled the situation wonderfully. Recall that my baby and I chose Mr. Loaf because he would not be Dan, Dan, the Dancin' Man. At a quiet, inactive reception like the one we were watching, a lesser DJ might break out the heavy artillery and become as loud and boorish as The Dancin' Man. Meat Loaf did not. While we were there, we saw him:

--Transition from "Celebration" to "In The Mood" to get some elderly folks out there.
--Move from "In the Mood" to "Old Time Rock 'n' Roll" to get some younger folks back out.
--Walk up to us, perhaps a touch embarrassed, to say how quiet things were.
--Not say a word on the microphone. This really impressed me.

I think he was honestly worried we'd be concerned or disappointed by the reception, but my honey and I were actually very happy to have seen such a challenging situation. We told him so--saying we were impressed he didn't turn into Dan, Dan, the Dancin' Man when it might be tempting to do so. He actually physically cringed and recoiled when we mentioned Dan.

It's official. MEAT IS OUR GUY.

Now, our reception will be so damn rockin' that I don't think it'll make any difference. Comparing where we were today with past wedding receptions my family has been at is like comparing Alistair Cooke with Sam Kinison.

But It's MY Day!

2005-06-23T10:28:00.000-07:00

Two friends singing in the friend choir have now come to me asking about the dress code for the choir. In case there are any choir members reading this blog who were thinking of asking - the official dress code is "look nice." That goes for ushers and readers and anyone else who might have reason to ask.

One of the friends specifically asked regarding colors of the church, what the mother of the bride is wearing, etc. I told her the church is grey so I CHALLENGE her to clash, and the church is large enough that even if she doesn't match my mother no one will ever notice.

But then a thought came upon me. At the reception people will be sitting together. And mingling with each other. And pictures will be taken. And perhaps a guest wearing red stripes will be next to a guest wearing orange polka dots and someone else in purple plaid, and then there would be clashing and that would be HORRIBLE.

So now we're going to require that all the guests dress according to a pre-set color code to ensure that the candid photos will all be fabulous. We'll be sending you your swatches in the mail next week.

And now I fear I may have planted ideas of red stripes, orange polka dots, and purple plaid in people's brains. OH MY!

Yes, I Mean You

2005-06-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

Been blathering on this blog for going on 10 months now, and what is is that gets folks commenting? BEER!

Although I shouldn't be surprised. After all, this is MY wedding we're talking about. (And Sweetie's wedding, but I think this is the one instance where I can say it's MY day and he wont complain any.)

Thanks for the ideas, all. Keep 'em coming if you like. And say your prayers that the local public house has some of these good brews available on clearance.

We don't want to be...

2005-06-22T15:28:00.000-07:00

Just saw something funny on Pardon the Interruption. Believe it or not, I'd never seen the very funny video of Carl Lewis throwing out the first pitch at a Mariner game two years ago. (The too-slow but still-funny video is here.) If Swankette is nervous about her first pitch performance, she can rest easy knowing she'll do a better job than perhaps one of the best athletes the world has ever known.

Of course, I can turn to Carl Lewis as well, for tying Roseanne for worst National Anthem performance in history...only Lewis was actually trying! If you've never heard it, listen here.

So even if things go wrong, we'll have the same guy to thank for being worse...

MMMMMMM.... Beer......

2005-06-20T20:16:00.000-07:00

The time has come to start thinking about the beer that will be served at the reception. The hall provides the bartender and we provide the booze and the liquor permit. That means at some point we need to buy the booze, but before we can buy the booze we have to decide what booze to buy. The beer must be in bottles or cans.

Which means the beer must be in bottles, because the only canned beer I've been willing to drink in the past 15 years was Oly Triple-Dark which was only available in cans (and not available any longer, as Oly sold out to Miller and became an evil beer). Oh yeah, and Guiness Pub Draught cans. Except when I'm drinking Stouts at home it will generally be of the Shakespeare variety, unless I have a happy jar of Terminator sitting around. Guiness is property consumed at the local pub. Apologies for forgetting this. And there won't be Guiness at the wedding.

The beer must also be of the micro- variety as I do not drink macro-brewed beers. I'm sorry, but if I'm drinking rice it's going to be a nice sake, and I do not buy a beer because it tastes "the coldest."

The time is approaching for one of Rogue's garage sales, and given that there is a Rogue Public House in the greater metropolitan area in which we live (and I dig Rogue beers), it is at least worth checking out to see if we can find some steals. And this, dear readers, is where we need your assistance.

Dead Guy and Shakespeare Stout are, unquestionably, my favorite of their brews, but I understand they don't have universal appeal. And even if it weren't in the graveyard I don't know that I could bring myself to serve Yellow Snow Ale at my wedding.

SO:

If you are familiar with Rogue Brews, what are your favorite brews?

And what Roge Brews do you think have the most universal appeal? (Because I suspect that my regular readers who have a response to question 1 have answers very similar to my own)

If you aren't familiar with Rogue Brews, but are a beer drinker, what type of beer do you like?

Or what beers do you think sound good from their current offerings?

My luck anything worthwhile won't be available on clearance, but we've got to give it a try.

NEW QUESTION ADDED: OK, so it's obvious that I associate with folks with really good taste in beer (I suspect GrigorPDX will cast a vote for Shakespeare Stout once he reads this post). SO, I think I've actually got a case of Dead Guy that I can provide for those of us with discerning tastes. I'll keep my eyes open for Shakespeare Stout, because worst case I'm willing to drink that later or gift it around as well. BUT, for folks who normally don't drink such quality beer what do you think THEY will like? Plenty of people have tried Dead Guy and scrunched up their face obvious they don't really care for it. And let's face it, not everyone can handle dark beer. Plus, it's a clearance sale so I need to go in with LOTS of ideas, because who knows what the heck will be on clearance. And it's not like I'll be at the brewery, it will be at the local public house. Seriously, folks, I want input!!!

This post brought to you by the letter M

2005-06-20T18:36:00.000-07:00

As the response cards flow back, there's a phenomenon brewing.

No, it's not the wonderful notes so many people are attaching...the regrets are doing a fine job of writing beautiful wishes. Especially you, My High School English Teacher! You're the best EVER!

It's the line where people are to write their names. It looks like this:

M__________________________________
(followed by "___number attending)

This, obviously, is intended to start out a "Mr.," "Mrs.," or "Ms." But people are doing otherwise.

To date, we have received response cards from three people named Matthew. All are attending (it's a part of our Affirmative Action Program For Matthews). Two of them used the M to start their first name. In other words, one put "att Surname" in the blank, while another put "atthew Lastname and Dana Lastname" in the blank. Would I have thought to do that?

Stranger still were my parents. My dear mother wrote "om and Dad" in the blank.

Now I'm eager to have someone whose name does NOT start with M (or who I don't call "Mom") to use the M in a creative way. Something like: "ost happily, John and Jane Jones will attend."

Cocktails, Anyone?

2005-06-19T21:14:00.000-07:00

We (well, I mostly) have decided on the music for the cocktail hour and dinner at the reception. (Sweetie I approves, but it's much more a Swank thing than a Poet thing). The devil is in the details, which is where we're falling now, and I fear this is when the wedding starts to be all-consuming.

The saving grace is that it wasn't like I was sitting around going, "Oh, we need to decide what music needs to be played during the cocktail hour and dinner." It hadn't even really seemed important to me that we HAVE special music for the cocktail hour and dinner. But then inspiration struck.

It hit while I was listening to the new Paul Anka CD on the way to pick up Sweetie at the airport yesterday. When I was in Portland last week Mom was RAVING over it and INSISTING I get her a copy of the CD. Yes, my sixty-something mom who is about to celebrate her forty-eighth wedding anniversary and votes red is about to have "Smells Like Teen Spirit" as part of her musical collection.

The older crowd digs the music, because it's swing. The younger crowd will dig it because it's swing and it's modern. Between the maid of honor and my own music collections we can probably put together enough appropriate tunes in that style to fill the time. Worst case, I've got to drop a few buck on I-tunes to round out the collection, because I suspect this isn't stuff the DJ has in large supply.

But it will be swank. That's for darn sure!

Scenes From the Dressing Room

2005-06-16T20:09:00.000-07:00

The following is an e-mail exchange between the maid of honor and myself:

ME: You can get a photo with your foot in my back (Everyone seems to want to have a photo taken with their foot in my back) AND one of you under my skirt adjusting all the slip layers if you want. Oh, the fun!!!

HER: Don't ya think it's just a little bit suspect to have a dyke crawlin' under your skirts the day of your wedding?

ME: Mom did try to get me to come out to her back in 1999 when we were getting ready to be roommates again. We could have some real fun messing with mom's mind. :)

Rethinking the Honeymoon

2005-06-14T10:38:00.000-07:00

Whoever the dumb-dumb is that came up with the concept that honeymoons should be in warm, tropical locations rather than a place like Antarctica really needs to be shot and killed and tortured and maimed and have other really bad things happen to him. It had to be a him. A her wouldn't have done it, because a her would know that then she'd need to go buy a swimsuit for the tropical excursion and nothing brings out women's body issues quite like going out to the store and searching for a new swimsuit.

Yes, I've been working out with a trainer. Yes, I've been making good progress to look kick-ass in the dress. But the thing is when you're wearing a poofy white dress you can completely ignore your thighs. Because no one sees your thighs in a wedding dress, but EVERYONE sees them in a bathing suit. Especially when you have pale, pasty white skin that will blind people with the sun reflecting off of them.

Last night I mentioned the not-fun I was going to have in the search for the suit, and he sweetly said that I would look fabulous in any sort of bathing suit. He doesn't understand that thighs grow LARGER in a swimsuit than they are when you are naked.

I started the search this weekend. I'll be able to mitigate the damage, and find something that's not horrible. But it won't be fun. And that's the project for today. I've got no work, I've got no Sweetie, so I'm hitting the gym then hitting the mall and I'm not coming home until I've got myself a swim suit.

If you don't hear from me soon send out a search party. But warn them to cover there eyes and don't look directly at the thighs.

The Beautiful Bride

2005-06-13T22:16:00.000-07:00

I went for my first (and last) dress fitting today. Some thoughts on that:

- All the wedding propaganda goes on and on about how you need to be careful not to be taken when it comes to alterations. Don't go to the bridal seamstress or the seamstress affiliated with the store, as they are simply there to try to take as much money from you as possible. Total cost for alterations: $9. OK, the seamstress also forced the bill up by suggesting I pair a different, better looking, slip with the dress. Cost for that: $6.

- As a bride you've got to chose your nearest and dearest to stand by your side because they are going to be SO up in your business. They'll be holding the dress as I shimmy my half-naked body into it. Then someone will have to basically get UNDER my dress to make sure all the different layers of slip and dress are laying correctly.

- I got bonus presents with the dress. A lovely little wrap and a white clutch purse.

- The time with the trainer has DEFINITELY paid off.

Outtie

2005-06-10T21:37:00.000-07:00

Off to Philadelphia for a week to:

1. Judge debate.
2. Try to keep my students alive.
3. Try to keep my still-alive students from pregnancy or STDs.
4. Catch Sunday's Phillies/Brewers game.
5. Not be at school finals week.

For the last time in my career, too. My kids made the tourney 7 out of 7 years...not too danged shabby.

Funny...this is the first time I've not been excited about going to the National tournament. Must be the new roommate.

Look for me again next Saturday.

Mail Call

2005-06-09T20:15:00.000-07:00

Generally the duty of collecting the daily mail falls to the Sweetie.

First, he gets home before me most of the time.

Second, the parking situation is such that his parking spot is significantly closer to the mailbox than my parking spot is. I would have to walk PAST the front door of the condo and PAST his parking spot to get to the mailbox, probably a good 20 yards out of the way, where as the mailboxes are maybe 15 feet from where he parks. If that. So even if I get home before he does, I let him get the mail, because all the extra effort just wouldn't be worth it.

Except the response cards have started coming back. No WAY am I waiting for Sweetie to make it home to go see what little bits of goodness arrived. And they have started arriving!

My parents listed themselves as "Mom and Dad (Swank)." I teased my mother about this a little earlier. She indicated that there are now two mom and dads in our lives, but after 33 years I think I could recognize her handwriting.

This is so fun!

The Writing Is On the Wall.

2005-06-08T20:46:00.000-07:00

Literally.

Featured above the fireplace is a posterboard with a layout of our seating assignments. I'm too visual of a person, so need to see in one place how it all lays out. Which tables can use more people, how it all works together.

The names are all in pencil, so as people decline we can erase them off the poster and shuffle others around.

I was joking with Sweetie the other night, as I was setting it up, and telling him that we'll need to frame it after the wedding.

I think that it has officially turned into an obsession. But in a good way. Because now it's time to sort out all the details, and that's where the fun is.

Let Them Eat Cake

2005-06-07T22:59:00.000-07:00

I officially ordered the cake today. The baker and I have almost completely incompatible schedules, so this is the first I could get around to it. The cake ordered is small, given that not everyone is going to need to eat vegan cake and vegan cake is EXPENSIVE on a per slice basis.

The cost of the cake is also less than the cost of delivering said cake. In theory we could pick it up, but we'll have enough on our plates the day before and day of the wedding, and we're still coming in way below budget.

Assigned Seating

2005-06-06T23:01:00.000-07:00

The more I ponder our current seating chart (which will be happening more and more as the responses come in) the more I'm looking forward to the weddding and the more I'm excited about the combinations that we've put together.

There is one table assignment that is as scary as it is good. One of the people is one of the corniest people I have ever met. As in my dad has a dry sense of humor next to this guy. One of the other people is an almost equally corny person on Sweetie's side. We can't separate them, because it will be sheer magic, but I don't think I'll go anywhere near that table. My godparents are currently assigned to that table, but I know they won't be coming, so that's OK. I'd be rearranging things if that weren't the case. But a couple of Mom's friends will be sitting there that are up to the challenge -- I called to warn Mom tonight just in case. (They might not be coming either, in which case we will reassign folks who have the stamina to stand up to the cornballs, but I want to be prepared for anything.)

Is the Lady of the House Home?

2005-06-06T20:31:00.000-07:00

OK, there is now one reason I can think of NOT to get married to my Sweetie. Although with the several billion reasons TO get married, it's not going to be tipping the scales anytime soon.

The phone is in Sweetie's name (since the condo was his first). When the telemarketers call the refer to me as Mrs. RefPoet, and I know instantly that they're out to sell me stuff. As opposed to legitimate creditors, banks, etc. who would refer to me as Ms. Swank. Once I become Mrs. RefPoet I won't know if they are a business I already have a relationship or out to sell me stuff.

On second thought, it's not so much a reason not to get married as it is a reason not to change my name. But it's not going to change anything at all.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

2005-06-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's lunch hour was the buying of the stamps. Last night's post-work activity was the photocopying of directions and invitations to the rehearsal dinner.

Last night I stuffed and Sweetie sealed and stamped (continuing on this morning) and now the invites are in a box ready to be taken to the post office. Once I'm done with this post and get some workout clothes on I am off.

The last 12 hours have been perma-grin, as this is the official proof that we are, indeed, getting MARRIED. We're both excited about getting the response cards back. I'll be obsessively watching the mailbox until the first one comes in.

Groom is a bit bummed, because he will be out of town June 11 through June 18 which will likely be when we get a big chunk of the early-response envelopes back. When he realized this he actually asked me to wait until he got back to open them. I questioned whether he was really my Sweetie or not, as anyone who knows me knows that patience is not one of my virtues.

So if you read the entry and receive an invitation the groom asks that you either get it back before he leaves town, or wait until he's back, so he can be present for the opening of the envelope.

The Price of Piece of Mind

2005-06-03T14:00:00.000-07:00

$25.30

Bought postage for the invites today. The prototype I weighed to make sure we put correct postage on was EXACTLY one ounce. I went ahead and bought 60 cent stamps, just in case.

In the grand scheme of the budget $25.30 is a small price to pay to KNOW that all of the invitations will make it to their destination in a timely fashion and without postage due. Otherwise I'd be paranoid that I happened to weigh the lightest invitation of the group, and they all came up short on postage.

Some Assembly Required

2005-06-02T23:34:00.000-07:00

No one ever informed me that assembly would be required when it came to the invitations.

OK, I knew that we'd have to put all the pieces together and put them into the envelopes (DUH!), but the invitation actually required assembly. Or dissassembly. Folding. But it was complex.

Now you're either totally confused or totally intrigued. Tomorrow I weigh the sample, but the stamps, and produce the inserts for directions and the rehearsal dinner. They're going into the mail this weekend if it kills me.

The groom is nervous...

2005-06-02T23:01:00.000-07:00

about music.

We have 12 friends who have agreed to sing for us, and we're thrilled about that. Now, what will they sing?

There's always the standard tear-jerker semi-sacred piece from college. That's a given...I've known that'd be sung at my wedding since about 1989.

But then there's another piece.

It needs to be pretty. Since there are so few singers, I want it to be a cappella--the organ would drown them out. I want it to be relatively easy. And there are certain lyrics restraints...I don't want them to be English words that are stupid. (Foreign stupid words are fine.)

I've almost decided on Beati Quorum Via by C.V. Stanford. But...man oh man...I'm worried about the six-part harmony, especially the contrapunnel (sp?) bit at measure 76. We've only got 4 men, plus one woman-posing-as-a-man. That means somebody's singing his part alone. Even though I have a couple of people who have sung this before, will six weeks of solo rehearsal plus a couple of days of working together be enough?

Or maybe I should just chill out.

Creative Genius

2005-05-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling very proud of my creative side today.

From the beginning Sweetie and I decided we didn't want your standard guest book. I just couldn't see myself going to the bookshelf years from now and saying, "Gee, let's go through the guest book and see who was at the wedding. Well look, Dick and Jane were there. So were Luke and Leia!"

The idea we came up with was to have a non-lined guest book. In addition to signing their names guests could share a thought or memory, draw a little picture, whatever moved them. Or if they just wanted to sign their name, that would be OK, too. Seemed like we might actually get a keepsake out of the thing rather than just something to take up space.

Today I went in search of said book, and given the options available to us came up with an even BETTER solution:

The guest book is a lovely photo album. We'll have guests sign it, then after the event intersperse photos throughout (we can unbind the book and rearrange pages if necessary) so it will be a combo guest book/photo album. Now that's something I might actually want to peruse in the future.

Music

2005-05-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

Sweetie's been working on the music lately. Specifically, what songs will be sung by the choir during the ceremony.

Saturday afternoon he picked a song that he thought would be good. Sunday morning the choir sang that song during the offeratory. A weird bit of karma.

Invites

2005-05-30T22:26:00.000-07:00

My maid of honor's wedding is three weeks after mine.

I received the inivitation to her shindig in the mail this weekend.

And our invites haven't even been put in the mail yet. The addresses are all written out now (as of late last night), but still need to print out directions, buy stamps, and stuff them all. Guess what fun we've got in store this week?

Although by the time we get the invites in the mail I think we'll have (informally at least) responses from almost everyone on the list. Today I discovered that my godparents won't be able to make it. Which is sad but doesn't surprise me. What did surprise me, a little bit, is that they were planning on coming but extenuating circumstances just popped up.

In Which Swankette Rants and Feels All Superior

2005-05-28T23:56:00.000-07:00

So I've been reading some online wedding message boards. The idea was it would help me make sure Sweetie and I are on track, that we're not forgetting anything important, and we may pick up an idea or two along the way.

But MAN if I don't want to just go off on a rant at some of these brides day after day. Lots of questions in the vein of, "Gee, I really want purple hair, but my Mom says that I'll regret it someday and his Mom says she won't come to the wedding if I have purple hair. What should I do?" And the responses are all, "It's YOUR day, do what YOU want. Screw what anyone else says."

Or, "My friend is complaining about being in my wedding. But I'm paying for the dress, so it's not like it's costing her any money. She should be honored to participate in my day, all I'm asking is that she be totally available to me the week before my day to do stuff for me."

Rant the first: Any Bride who refers to her wedding as MY day should never be allowed to obtain a marriage license. Because as much as I may be the one who the eyes are on, simply by the fact that I'll be the one in the poofy white dress, there is a groom involved as well. It is OUR day, as it is the day WE will be joining OUR lives together. Granted, I've probably had more thoughts about this day before the proposal happened, I may be doing a bit more of the legwork in planning the day, but at the end of it all without him this day ain't happening. And for the record, although I may be the one in the poofy white dress, he's the one who prefers to be the center of attention and I prefer to take second stage, so stare at the tall boy in the tux instead, please.

Rant the second: The Bride AND Groom may be the centerpiece of the day, but it is a party you are throwing. Perhaps you've never thrown a party before today, but a gracious host takes into consideration the thoughts and feelings of their guests. Sweetie and I had friends over tonight. It was MY house, it was MY party, and I like to allow my cat to wander freely throughout the house. However, as a gracious host I locked Samson away for the night because one of our guests is allergic to cats.

Rant the third: People who have been through it all in the past can actually give some good advice. It's worth it to at least listen to what they have to say. Doesn't mean you have to take their advice, but at least all sides of the story are out there. And some of these people have been through big events in the past, even weddings, they may have some real-world experience that they're basing these examples off of. I can't think of any specifics right now, but I know there have been instances where I've won my Mom over on something we're doing be explaining the motivation, rather than annoying her by just saying, "But it's MY day!!!"

And this is precisely why Sweetie and I will have such a kick-ass wedding. Neither of us are capable of being this type of person.

The Debate on Whether to Have Kids at the Wedding

2005-05-28T09:40:00.000-07:00

For most engaged people the kid debate is whether or not they want to invite the children of their friends and loved ones to the wedding and reception. That was never a debate for us - the more the merrier. Any kids that come are well-raised enough that they won't do anything totally inappropriate, and they'll add the cute factor in a big way.

Nope, the issue Sweetie and I are having is the incorporation of children in the service. And not in will we have a flower girl or a ring bearer, but will there be moments of the service in which we talk about me being a fruitful vine and how we're going to go forth and multiply and all that kind of stuff.

The answer is: Not gonna' happen (well, probably not).

Here's the deal. I want kids. Someday. But I'm still getting used to the whole concept, and we won't be starting the endeavour on the wedding night. But my parents DESPERATELY want to be grandparents (and their friends are in support of that goal), and for the past many years my one sure-fire way to shut them up has been, "But I'm not married, you wouldn't want me to be a single parent, would you?" My parents tradition is stronger than their urge to grandparent, so that always shut them up. But once the I do's are exchanged I don't get that excuse anymore.

So I'd really not rather bring up the concept of us multiplying into the service, because then I KNOW I'll be getting the third degree at the reception as to when we're going to start a family. Thus far it's proved rather simple, remove this optional prayer, select this reading over that one.

But now we've gotten to the Psalms. And those that seem wedding appropriate that DON'T mention me being a fruitful vine seem to be very missionary and evangelistic and as much as I don't want to be popping out my first kid nine months after the wedding I also don't want to try to convert friends and loved ones who don't already believe while at the wedding.

Although over the course of typing out this blog entry we found a good one, so that's another problem averted.

Tears of Joy

2005-05-28T09:33:00.000-07:00

Hot weather has hit the Northwest. In speaking with my mom last night she commented that she REALLY hoped it wasn't this hot out for the wedding. After giving her all the reasons that it likely wouldn't be too bad (Seattle is always a little cooler than Portland, it will be evening, etc) I came up with the PERFECT solution:

If it's too hot out I'm simply going to tell everyone that my mother suffers from a bizarre condition in which she does not just cry out of her eyes, she cries out of every pore of her body. And she's very sensitive about it, so don't ask her. That's not sweat, those are tears of joy!

Hey, she's the mother of the bride, she gets the benefit of the doubt.

The Dress Has Arrived

2005-05-26T21:25:00.000-07:00

In Portland. Which means I can now make the appointment to get the (expecting to be minimal) alterations done. I know when I want to do it, just need to check with the boss to see if it's doable, as it entails a day or two of vacation time.

Here's the coolest thing - I've decided I have a psychic connection with my dress. I had a spare moment at work today, and decided to call and check on the dress, as it was scheduled to arrive the end of May.

After giving the person at the dress shop my name her response was, "Oh, so I guess I don't need to send out this card I have in my hand." Yep, the dress had JUST come in and she was putting the notice in the mail when I called. FREAKY!

Friends 'Til The End (of our hair)

2005-05-25T22:59:00.000-07:00

After he read yesterday's post (and before anyone else had commented) Sweetie informed me that I shouldn't even think of donating my hair to Locks of Love because he is the one who has to listen to the bitching and the moaning about the suffering I go through in having long hair.

But then the comments came, which were all very lovely in their own regards, but there's one that gets singled out and that's Kaphine's.

Here's the background: Kaphine's my best friend. She's also getting married this summer, but our weddings are about as opposite as opposite can be. She suggested we both do this, and actually went so far as to measure her hair today. She's 2-1/2 inches away from being able to donate.

So tonight when I got home I took a ruler to my hair. If I were to shave my head right now I'd have 11 inches of hair to donate (best as I can tell), so if I wait until her hair is to the magic 10 inch mark I should be able to donate AND have a decent hairdo after it all.

And now there is one way in which our weddings won't be as opposite as opposite can be, because we will share this common cause at the end of all the festivities.

In which TRP gets all deep on you

2005-05-24T22:11:00.000-07:00

Also at the priest meeting today, she asked why it was important for us to get married at the church. I went off on a big, philosophical rant. Something like this:

Well, for me, I'm excited because it's the official introduction of "us" taking priority above just "me." That's awesome, and I want to celebrate it. Meanwhile, her friends and family and my friends and family will be out there together, and I'm excited that we'll be breaking down the "hers" and "mine" to make it a big "ours." And I think that's one of the big lessons of the world we need to learn: there is no "us and them." Only "us." Everything is "us."

Don't fully know where that came from. The priest was surprised. She waited a second, and then asked me:

"Would you like to give the sermon?"

How kick-ass would it be to give the sermon at your own wedding? Arrogant, sure, but pretty kick-ass.

(No worries. I won't.)

Priest.

2005-05-24T22:07:00.000-07:00

We met the priest today. She was wonderful...we're both very excited to have her for the wedding. Early on, Swankette and I paused to mull over a deep question, and the priest noted how thoughtful we both were. I said something like, "We're good at thinking." She said: "Oh! Maybe I'll go with a more intellectual sermon." YES!

And later, when we said that we are probably the only couple for whom the infield fly rule played a critical role in the courtship, she was able to intelligently discuss most of the rule. And she thought she might work it into the sermon.

An intellectual sermon with the infield fly rule in it? Can this get any cooler?

Self-Control

2005-05-24T21:17:00.000-07:00

It is taking every ounce of self-control I possess to not go out and shave my head or, at least, get a buzz cut. My hair has reached shoulder-length, which given the density and weight of my hair means constant pressure on some portion of my skull. I average 2-3 hairstyles/day to try to alleviate the pain.

Shedding has begun. I'm worse than a shedding St. Bernard with the trails of hair left everywhere.

I must make it into the hairdresser, and soon, so that she can do something to make this bearable for me.

The craziest part: This morning, as I was gathering the handful of shedded hair that had accumulated in the brush, I began to think that I'd suffered to this length of hair, why not go the extra mile and grow it to the ten inches required to donate to Locks of Love.

Ooh, There's Gonna Be Fireworks

2005-05-17T22:18:00.000-07:00

Things could just not get any cooler at the rehearsal dinner.

Let's recap the details so far:

It's at a baseball game
The visiting team is the team I used to work for
Sweetie's singing the national anthem
I'm throwing out the first pitch
Guests will be participating in on-field promotions
Friends, co-workers and complete strangers who are not invited to the dinner are coming to the game just to join in the fun

Any one of those items you've got yourself a kick-ass event. Put all of them together and we've definitely put it up to eleven. Now we've even gone off THAT scale.

That's right, they're doing fireworks after the game. I don't think many brides and grooms get fireworks as part of their celebration. A fireworks show worth anything costs about $3,000 to stage, so I KNOW you aren't having fireworks on our budget. Unless your a pyromaniac and that's your biggest priority.

But me and Sweetie, WE get fireworks. Now the only thing that worries me is that the rehearsal dinner will be so amazingly kick-ass that at the wedding folks will be all, "Eh, this is OK, but were you at that rehearsal dinner last night!"

Newsflash

2005-05-17T20:18:00.000-07:00

I have decided to start obsessively watching Father of the Bride. The original from 1950 starring Spencer Tracy and Elizabeth Taylor, not the more recent Steve Martin/Martin Short version. I've always loved the movie, and it seems especially appropos all things considered.

I may force my dad to watch it once or twice as well. There are definitely some parallels between Kay and Stanley and Swankette and Sarge.

What prompted this? E! True Hollywood Story is about Doris Day this evening. She's not in the movie, it's a total non-sequitir, but such is life.

Kay's about to announce her enagement, I must be going now.

Priorities

2005-05-17T19:16:00.000-07:00

Invitations have arrived and the addressing will soon commence.

And I am officially a freak.

I could give a shit what the mom's are wearing, what the dad's are wearing, and have only moderate interest in what the maid of honor is wearing.

If you asked me the date of the engagement I would have to look at a calendar.

I refuse to think any decision through to its death, preferring to get the job done as long as it meets the budget and passes quality control.

Yet I almost get in a fight with the Sweetie this evening over the addressing of the invitations. And I went to three different stores this evening to find the correct pens for said addressing.

Because you know when folks get the invitation in the mail that's what they're going to notice - the type of pen that was used to address said item. (OK, Kaphine will notice that, but that's why she's my best friend.)

I fear issues like the guest book, place cards and table names will make me equally anal. The fun we've got in store for us!

Now pardon me, I've got 100+ invitations to get addressed.

Progress

2005-05-14T22:53:00.000-07:00

Today I cleaned up the wedding box, got the budget and guest list spreadsheets updated, and updated links on this page. Wedding planning housecleaning as it were.

It was an act that needed to be done, and has simulatenously calmed me down and stressed me out. Sweetie and I have a box in which we have been storing all wedding-related stuff - books, calendars, paperwork, etc. Best idea we had in putting this all together, because it's all in one place and can easily be lugged around from one part of the condo to the other. It's been hiding back in the den lately, but it fits nicely under the coffee table and I think it may live there from here forward.

So organizationally I'm feeling fantabulous. But now we start to get into all the details. And there are a lot of details that are going to have to be adressed between now and July 30. But we can do it.

Invitations will be in Monday or Tuesday, so getting those puppies addressed and out the door will be the next order of business.

Whoa

2005-05-12T17:21:00.000-07:00

So in the industry I work in I come into contact with a lot of different people on a day-to-day basis. Many folks I've got business relationships with know that I'm getting married because it's come up for some reason or another along the way. In no case has it been, "Why, hello there business associate have I told you that I'm getting married?" (OK, once it was that, but it was a former co-worker who had moved away and is on the invite list).

Once they've learned about the upcoming nuptials it's not uncommon for someone to ask as to how planning is going, or what we're doing, or whatever other random thing they might ask. It's also not uncommon for me to mention that the rehearsal dinner is taking place at an Everett Aquasox game and that TRP will be singing the national anthem and yours truly will be throwing out the first pitch. Honestly, this is because this is the one little soundbite that I can tell someone I know on a fairly casual basis that will distinguish this event from any other wedding they've ever attended. You don't have to know Sweetie and myself well, or know of our love and our history of baseball to know that this is a kick-ass thing.

Well today I found out from one business associate that she has been talking up the game to people she knows, and is planning on attending the game herself. What the?!?! When friends and loved ones and even co-workers said they might come to the game to check it out, despite not being on the rehearsal dinner list that was one thing. When the boss mentioned the company might make it an outing so everyone comes to cheer me on that was another thing. When a person who I come into contact with an average of 1-2 times a month is planning on coming to the game, and telling who knows who about it and trying to get them to come to the game as well.

Thank goodness I'm training for that first pitch, because apparently all eyes will be on me. Who knew Sweetie and myself could be responsbile for a ball game sell-out?

Our Friend in the Diamond Business

2005-05-11T17:21:00.000-07:00

Sunday Sweetie and I went to purchase our wedding bands. Our friend in the diamond business, who also provided the engagement ring (and is open Monday through Friday 'til 8, Saturday and Sunday 'til 5) was the provider of the bands.

And let me just take a moment to blatantly plug them for any jewelry needs you might have that they could fulfill. Because I know anyone who reads this blog and has a radio can hear Tom Shane in that nasal voice of his tell us about how none of his salespeople are paid on comission and how he personally buys the diamonds and all the stuff, but the guy's got a great shop.

Every time we've gone in there (Sweetie to buy the rock, the two of us to pick out the setting for the rock, and then the two of us to buy bands) they workers have been nice and helpful, but not pushy and willing to put up with however long it took us to make our decisions and however many stupid questions we had along the way. And they were really friendly the whole time, too.

As an added bonus, once you've got the rock they basically take care of it for life for you. Need to have it resized, cleaned, the prongs checked out to make sure they're holding everything in place? All included in that initial cost.

So we now have rings. Well, I've got rings. Sweetie has never worn a ring before. He did his best to figure out what size he was with the sample size dealies they've got, but missed the mark big time, so his ring needs to go back in to be resized.

One step closer to making it official.

Wedding Haiku

2005-05-08T10:04:00.000-07:00

I noticed that yesterday was 5/7/05, which I declared International Haiku Day. And today, Sweetie and I will head up to get our wedding rings. I asked her if we should engrave something on the inside, and before you know it, we thought we should engrave haiku. Here are some of the ideas we came up with. (I've substituted the names of our pretend girlfriend and boyfriend, Sue [Bird] and David [Bowie], for our names.)

When they got married
Sue and David got these rings
Aren't they lovely?

If you can read this
Sue or David took it off
They're making meat loaf

If you find this ring
It's owned by Sue or David
Please return it now

Since you're reading this
Please check out Sue or David
For chopped-off fingers

(Your Name Here)

2005-05-06T22:09:00.000-07:00

Invitations are ordered. Proofs are approved. The printing has commenced.

So you know how when you're putting something together with an unknown address, or looking at a sample of something that would have a unique address printed on it you'll put something like "12345 Main Street" there as a placeholder?

When I was first figuring out the wording for the invites I did exactly that for the church and the reception site both. Mainly because I was too lazy at that instant in time to look up the addresses.

The ACTUAL address of the church is: 1245 Tenth Avenue East. Especially when being super-anal proofreader that looks a LOT like a dummy address. I think I proofed that piece of the invite 10 times. It was correct every time.

In the Bullpen

2005-05-06T22:04:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday Sweetie and I started practice for my first pitch. It's 60 feet 6 inches from the pitchers mound to home plate. Every first pitch I've ever seen takes place in front of the pitching mound because you can't go desecrating the mound before the first pitch, so I'm estimating that's about 55 feet.

Sunday I was able to throw the ball about 45 feet successfully. So, I'm not there yet but can easily be there by July 29.

Last night the trainer and I started working on my rotator cuffs, to help strengthen them to ease me in gaining the distance necessary.

I'd feel like a dork training for a ceremonial first pitch, but once on The West Wing the President trained for a first pitch. I may not have to do it wearing a bullet-proof vest, but I still want to impress folks with my mad skills.

Dilemma

2005-05-05T14:52:00.000-07:00

The new Harry Potter book is due to come out two weeks before the wedding.

Three options:

Get mom to buy the book the day it comes out, read it, then bring with her to the wedding to pass off to me so I have reading material for the plane on the way to the honeymoon.
Buy the book myself the day it comes out, use it as a welcome distraction the two weeks immediately before the wedding, then pass off to Mom when she's up here for the wedding.
Wait until after the wedding and honeymoon to buy they book.

For the record, I'm leaning towards #2 right now.

Milestone of sorts

2005-05-02T06:28:00.000-07:00

As I was enjoying salami on crackers for breakfast, I noticed this: it must be used by July 31.

I now own meat which expires after the wedding. We keep getting closer.

Merging Music

2005-05-01T22:44:00.000-07:00

If you were to judge Sweetie and I simply by our CD collections:
1) If you didn't know us you'd probably guess wrong who's the boy and who's the girl.
2) You would probably never, in a million billion years, think that the two of us could successfully engage in conversation at a cocktail party, much less get married.

But the biggest change is going to be actually finding a wanted CD. Because I am so used to knowing where, physically, a certain CD lives on my CD shelves, but now half of my CDs are on his shelves, and three of the shelves on my units are housing The Beatles and The Indigo Girls.

There were a total of three duplicate CD's in the collections: Natalie Merchant Tigerlilly, Tori Amos Boys for Pele and Sting The Best Of....

Now, cue the music.

Watching my sweetheart combine our CDs

2005-05-01T21:48:00.000-07:00

They're intermingling on the shelves. It's kinda sexual. Only not.

We compromised. I agreed to go alphabetically by first name...a big change. She agreed to organize within artist by date of release.

The Countdown

2005-04-26T01:59:00.000-07:00

There are two downsides to having registered:

1) Cooking isn't quite as exciting at the moment, because I'm anticipating the gifts we might receive off the registry. Plus, I can't really go buy anything, because it's all on the registry.

2) 96 days until the wedding. Crate and Barrel has a countdown. When I lay down to try to sleep last night the number kept flashing in my head. I fear I'm going to be turning into one of those people for whom the wedding is all-consuming, at least in the short term.

This is why I insist on vendors who are e-mail friendly. 2 am and I'm working on wedding stuff.

Another Reason Not To Do the Boquet Toss

2005-04-25T21:13:00.000-07:00

Click the link. May not be work appropriate.

Where's My Gun?

2005-04-24T19:04:00.000-07:00

Sweetie and I registered for gifts today. If you read the books that cater to the egomaniacal bride with a practically nonexistent groom they recommend that you space it out, leave plenty of time, don't want to wear the boy out. I could see the benefit of this approach to things, so figured we'd head out after church today to hit Crate and Barrel this week and do the same with Target next week. It would spread things out, yet get it out of the way.

By going after church I could also make it as painless as possible on Sweetie. We could catch lunch at a sports bar on the way, so he'd feel nice and manly before an afternoon spent shopping for kitchen stuff and towels and things.

This morning we came up with the rules as well. Sweetie had the right to claim no interest in a particular decision and cede all powers to me, but I had the right to lobby him to require input. He's got to have input on things like our plates, but I'm not even going to pretend he gets say on the pots and pans we will be using. And he's OK with that.

When we got to Crate and Barrel we set out a game plan. Thankfully, the store was laid out in a manner that would make it easy. We started with the dishes and flatware, worked our way around to linens and glassware, then ended up in the kitchen aisle. Sweetie got the scan gun. Whoever came up with the idea of giving the groom a scan gun to scan the items revolutionized the wedding registry process, and I must salute that person. Even when we were working on the cookware and knives and things Sweetie had absolutely no interest in whatsoever he was involved in the process, because he was the one responsible for getting them into the scan gun.

Sweetie also had surprisingly more input than he expected he would have. Thanks to him we have registered for a cheese plate, a chip and dip bowl, and grapefruit spoon set.

The most surreal moment of the day was while we were selecting small kitchen gadgets such as spatulas and vegetable peelers. A woman who was shopping there could tell we were registering for our wedding, and basically said, "You know, registering for that small stuff is a waste of time. Go for the big stuff, because people will actually buy you a $200 blender, they don't want to buy the small stuff." Now, we've registered for our share of pricy things. I've known for over 10 years I wanted to regsiter for a Kitchen Aid Mixer when this day came. This is an opportunity to get top of the line pots, pans and knives. But I THINK there are people out there who might be interested in smaller things. Or maybe group together smaller things. Or who the heck knows, but the options are out there. That was just a very strange conversation, given that this woman has no idea who any of the people are who will be buying us gifts.

The most astonishing moment of the day was after we had finished the Crate and Barrel registry, we'd made another lap around the store just to pick up anything we'd missed, Sweetie turns to me and says, "Hey, why not go to Target and finish registering now!" So we did!

Target's got more options, so we were able to be a little wackier with some of our choices. You can see for yourselves what that means.

And the funniest moment of the day came after we were done with all the registering and stopped at the grocery store to buy some food for dinner. When we stepped inside the store Sweetie asked, "Where's my gun?" Because apparently shopping is much more fun for boys when there's a gun involved. I let him do the U-Scan when we checked out, but it's just not the same.

A final aside - both Target and Crate and Barrel specifically ASK when setting up your registry if you're OK with people giving you gift cards. Hey, I'm thrilled you're coming to our wedding. A gift is appreciated, but by no means expected. The registry is a "wish-list" as it were, but I've got no problems if you want to give me a gift certificate instead. I don't want to meet the egomaniacal bride for whom a gift certificate is not an option. She's probably got guards at the door to the reception, because if your gift isn't on the list she's not going to allow you in for dinner. Not so much for us. And even if it were, I guarantee you there's something in your price range on our registry.

The Priest

2005-04-14T21:18:00.000-07:00

We have a priest now.

I would have honestly been absolutely happy with any of the priests at our church, but if you'd asked me to put odds on which would be our priest, she is the one I would have picked and I'm not quite sure why.

The thing that excites me the most about her is that she is in charge of liturgy and the arts. It's going to be a very meaningful, special ceremony, and I think the choir of friends will be well incorporated.

Sparing You the Icebreakers

2005-04-12T18:53:00.000-07:00

So today I'm reading Joe's blog and stumble across this post. Which is interesting enough in it's own right, but is also about a singer I never would have heard of before were it not for Grigorpdx. See, he's posted about him, too (and played Sweetie and I some of the MP3's. Great stuff!).

These are two fellows who will get along well. They should meet each other. And given that they're both going to be attending the wedding this summer (you are both attending, right?) it is quite possible for the two of them to meet.

It's then occurring to me that there are other guests for whom this is the case as well. Probably will never be in the same room outside of the wedding, so we've got to take advantage of opportunity while it's available.

Then I was coming up with all of these wacky scenarios to insure the meetings took place. We could seat 20 people per table - to insure all the necessary parties would meet each other. We could send a little list to people - here is a list of people you need to meet before the night is over. We could turn it into a wacky icebreaker-type game - instead of just listing names we could list some fact about them, so you would actually be compelled to meet them. That's when I realized I may be going off the deep end. I HATE wacy icebreaker-type games.

Thankfully, I got home before my mind could wander much further. Sweetie and I are so damn good we ALREADY had Joe and Grigorpdx seated at the same table. The other folks who must meet as well. Not to say that there aren't people worth meeting that will be sitting at other tables, but hopefully intriguing dinner conversation will be had by all.

Oh Say Can You Sing

2005-04-11T19:35:00.000-07:00

I think the quote from our contact with the ball team that's hosting our rehearsal dinner pretty much says it all:

Yes, TRP is a definite for singing the national anthem.

Honeymoon...yippee!!!!!!

2005-04-03T21:31:00.000-07:00

We have Hawaii!!!!

Kauai, to be exact. Swankette's parents have very generously donated time-share time for our honeymoon. Long ago, right after I popped the question and we set a date, we tried to book Kauai; it was booked. So we settled for Cabo (tragic, I know) and hoped someone would drop out. Someone did, and we are SET, BAY-BEE.

She and I have been looking in books and stuff since then to figure out what we're going to do there. There will be ample sitting on the beach, enjoying cold beverages, and some more traditional indoor honeymoon activity, but I've never been to Hawaii and she's not been there since she was 12, so we are stoked.

One activity in particular has really caught our attention. Kauai Backcountry Adventures offers a wonderful, relaxing, honeymoon-perfect activity. They drive you up to the mountains in for some views, then drop you in a giant inner tube in an irrigation ditch. Apparently kids used to do that for kicks, but now it's a 3-hour-long leisurely meander down the side of a mountain, through mountains, forest, through tunnels (they give you a headlamp and gloves), and to a swimming hole for a picnic lunch. I can't imagine a much better way to chill with my new bride than to sit on innertubes next to each other, lock arms, and watch the forest go by. I'm not an athlete, so surfing--even windsurfing--would likely be an exercise in frustration for me. I might try it another trip, but not this one. This one's gonna be tubing, snorkeling, maybe a helicopter ride...I am SO EXCITED!!!

Tuxes part deux

2005-03-27T21:52:00.000-08:00

Swankette is being very kind to the first, failed tux shop. The guy took about a year to get everything in the computer. Then, even though we had clearly said we were just shopping around, he seemed surprised when we didn't pay a deposit. I'm highly thankful we didn't.

I thought I wanted to have something in tails. The reasoning behind that was this: during the ceremony, everyone is going to be looking at my ass. I wanted the tux to be able to differentiate me from the groomsmen if I was being looked at from behind. For some reason, this is how I pictured the whole wedding...I guess I must have been to a wedding at a young age where this happened. And when we left Shop #1, we had it all planned.

But at the Tux Shop, I tried on the two longer jackets. The first was a cutaway. It sort of made me look like a waiter, I think because it was a one-button and the lapels were so large. The second was tails. It made me look like a concert pianist. No, thank you.

So what I decided I wanted was a three-button cutaway. But those don't exist. I'm told that it would look ridiculous...but I think it wouldn't.

But I really like the 3-button deal we'll all be wearing.

The guy at The Tux Shop was 20 years old max, but he was our bitch. Responded to our questions, laughed at our jokes, etc. He was a pleasure to work with! My only bummer is that we have to pick up our tuxes between 4 and 7 PM on the Thursday before the wedding. I wanted that night to be a bachelor party. I suppose it still could be. Few whorehouses open before 8 anyway. (Kidding, honey.)

I'm gonna be the tallest guy up there...which is good, because tuxedoes are one of those things that you look damn good in when you're 6'3".

Tuxedos: Check

2005-03-27T16:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday afternoon Sweetie and I went off in search of tuxedos for the big event. The men standing up for us will not look like Pips, Tops or Commodores, but will look darn good.

To make the list of potential tuxedo rental location there was only one criteria you had to meet: locations in Seattle, Portland and Phoenix (the locations of all the tuxedo wearers for the day). Two places made the list.

We started at shop #1 because it was close to the condo. They had a book of the different tuxedo options to flip through. The guy helping us wasn't much help at commenting on what styles might look good or what popular options were, but he was very good at trying to get us to commit to the expensive tux at the front of the book, so we wouldn't go farther on in the book to find the less expensive models. We put together a potential look based on the pictures available. At one point we asked it if would be possible for the groom to try on a particular coat, to see if it would be as flattering as we thought it might be. Apparently this shop does not actually carry any of the tuxes in-house because it would be impossible to carry every style in every size and that's just not fair. We spent an hour there, and I think about 45 minutes of that time was spent flipping back and forth in the damn book deciding which lapels matched better. At the time we thought the groom would wear a different coat from the others, but at least wanted the others to somehow match.

Shop #2 is exclusively tuxedos. It's at the local mall, and come prom season there will be a line of teenage boys spewing out the door preparing for their prom. The upside of this location was that you could actually try on the coats to see what you liked best. It helps if you're a 40 regular, but even as a 41 extra long the groom was able to get an idea of what the style might look like on him. He tried on the coat that, based on the pictures, he liked the best. Not so hot anymore. But then we found the perfect coat for him. And we were able to hold vest samples up to the coat samples to see what they might look like as well.

To top it all off, there was a moment in the store that reinforced to me why Sweetie and I are having such a kick-ass time planning this wedding. Sweetie was back in the changing room, trying on some pants to get fully measured. There was another couple in the store going through a similar process (not sure if it was for their wedding or what, but he was wearing the tux and his girl was sitting there watching him). The man was wearing the tux pants down around his hips. The shop worker suggested that most men tend to wear tux pants higher, and did he really want to wear them there, because wherever he was wearing them now is where they would be hemmed to, so just make sure that's how you want them. The man assured the tux shop worker that was how he wanted to wear his pants. Then his girl stepped in and suggested he didn't really want to wear his pants there. I'm not sure what transpired after that, because I was back where the changing rooms are promising Sweetie I will never tell him how to wear his pants. I just am not capable of being that big of a control freak.

So all the gentlemen in the wedding party will be wearing a three-button shawl-collared tuxedos with vests and bow ties. The groom will be in a platinum vest, the others in black. The fathers will be asked to wear a tuxedo of their choosing (my dad already owns his own), with a vest and bow tie. We're not committed on color there, but are considering saying they should complement the mom's styles. That will mix things up a bit and keep everyone looking sharp.

Flowers: Check

2005-03-24T16:56:00.000-08:00

It's official. Florist #3 is our guy. Not only did he offer us the best match for what we wanted design-wise, but he was closest to our budget as well.

Granted, the budget was a number randomly pulled out of the air, but seemed reasonable to me for the simple stuff we were asking for, but look at how the numbers played out:

Florist #1 - Double the budget.
Florist #2 - 66% above budget
Florist of Swank- $122 above budget.

So if you're invited to the wedding and you're allergic to Gerbera daisies you may want to hit the antihistamines pretty heavy that morning, because that will, indeed, be the flower of choice.

Next stop: Tuxes and invitations.

The Results Are In...

2005-03-22T20:08:00.000-08:00

For something that is low on my list of wedding-related priorities I sure am spending a lot of time on flowers. Probably because it's such a prolonged process. You have no clue on costs until about a week after you've met with the florist.

Florist #1 is officially out. I bought a boquet of gerbera daises around 3:30 pm on Sunday afternoon. Kept an eye on them throughout the night. One of them lost a chunk of petals, but I think they may never have had them or I bought a defective flower, so I'm not counting that. When I went to bed at 10:30 that night they still looked OK. Maybe not quite as fresh, but good enough for a candid snapshot or two. Forgot to check them when I woke up yesterday morning for staying power, but when we got home at 11:00 last night they weren't horrible looking. That's 30 hours after I bought them. Today they're looking a bit worse for wear, so I guess that means I won't be taking my boquet on the honeymoon.

Florist #3 is still my favorite, but #2 gained some brownie points today. We got the quote via e-mail yesterday, and it was rather high for what was budgeted (we may be able to scale it down, haven't gone down that path yet.) Today we got the hard copy of the quote along with a small boquet. Now that's good marketing - a florist sending us flowers! And they are quite lovely. So now I take back that bit about not seeing any of her work.

Now we anxiously await Florist #3's quote. May not be until early next week, so wait patiently and stay tuned.

The Scientific Side of Wedding Planning.

2005-03-20T18:25:00.000-08:00

Interview with florist #3 was yesterday, and I'm REALLY hoping that he ends up being our wedding florist. It's pretty much dependent on the quote we get from him and the experiment being conducted in our apartment today.

When speaking with all three florists I told them basically the same thing:

Flowers aren't a huge deal for us. We want something nice, but this is not a budget buster for us.
I'm fairly stupid when it comes to flowers, so outside the big ones (roses, daisies, tulips, carnations) it's strictly "look at the pretty purple one!"
We both like the look and feel of gerbera daisies and think it would be cool to have that be the main flower.
I also gave them our idea on centerpieces thus far (wanting flowers to pretty it up and bring consistency to the tables.)

Florist #1 (he of the urinal floral arrangements) insisted that gerbera daisies wilt really fast and look really crappy when they're wilty. He struck me as the type where we're supposed to tell him our colors and just trust him 100%. Or, better yet, let him decide our colors for us based on the arrangements he'd like to do. His work was good, but a bit expensive for our budget (although it's the only formal quote we have thus far, so we'll see how that plays out).

Florist #2 didn't offer any visual aides during our consultation. I didn't even realize until I was walking back to my car. No photos of past work. No current displays sitting out in the shop. Nada. Based on the conversation we had I believe she has my bouquet being made of roses (which would be nice, but really I don't care if there's not a single rose around on the day), and has dahlias and gerbera daisies as the centerpieces.

Florist #3 got it. When I said we were thinking of gerbera daisies he grabbed a few from the buckets behind us, grabbed some bear grass, and in about 30 seconds had a very striking mock-up I could look at. He then grabbed one of the small daisies, did a little twist with some of the bear grass and we had ourselves a boutinniere. He suggested potted gerberas as centerpieces because their very cost-effective, and wants to tie it in with the rest of our centerpiece idea to make it all come together. He thinks it's FABULOUS that Sweetie and I met through the personal ads of a local alternative newsweekly, and AWESOME that he's actually met someone that met their spouse that way now. After the floral consultation side was done we just sat and chatted for a few minutes.

Number 3 gets it. Yeah, I'm gonna' trust him a lot of the way, but we've got to work together as a team to make sure it all reflects Sweetie and I on the big day. And he was just a lot of fun!

The quote will, obviously, make an impact, but my gut tells me will be able to find a way to make it work.

So I went and bought some gerbera daisies this afternoon. I'm not putting them in water, just seeing how fast they wilt and how nasty they look when they're wilted. They strike me as a hearty enough flower that they'll be fine for the wedding. I suspect that they just don't work well in florist #1's standard bouquet, but we're leaving in the hands of science right now.

The Name Game

2005-03-17T20:55:00.000-08:00

Shortly after the engagement Sweetie commented that I needed to prepare myself because after the wedding I would be TORTURED because no one would be able to spell my last name. I disagreed with him, and continue to diagree with him. I have had occassion to have to spell my future last name and it is not in the least bit torturous.

What Sweetie fails to understand is that although I may have a somewhat common last name (at least compared to his), it does have alternate spellings and no one ever knows which spelling is correct. Add to that the fact I once had a job where the only people in my office were me and my boss. We shared the same last name but spelled it differently. Really, having to constantly spell my last name is not a problem.

But tonight, while listening to NPR, I realized what the problem will be. It's the pronunciation issue. With my last name there is really only one way to pronounce it. I think Sweetie's last name could easily be mispronounced by someone if they didn't know better. So I'm listening to the letters segment on All Things Considered and at the end they give the standard spiel: "If you have a letter send it here and make sure you include your name, how to pronounce it and where you're writing from." I've often tried to come up with something to write NPR about so that I could be a smart ass at the end of the letter and say:

Sincerely,
Swankette (pronounced Swankette)

but once the name is changed I might actually have to give some direction on how to say the last name. I think I'll cope.

Wedding dream...

2005-03-13T16:25:00.000-08:00

I had this dream the other night. Woke up quite discomfited.

I was conducting a "friend choir" (like the one we will have) at someone else's wedding. The song we were performing: "If" by Bread. You know: "If a piiiiicture paaaaints a thooooousand worrrrds,/Then whyyyyyy can't IIIIIII paint yooooooou..." Ugh. In the dream, I was faintly wondering why this was the song the couple wanted. So I was conducting Bread. And my choir wasn't exactly musically talented. In fact, they were terrible singers. The main guy I noticed in my choir was this bass who had the scratchy two-pack a day voice that sings loud, gravelly, and flat-toned two octaves beneath the melody. (You know--he's the guy who sits behind you at church almost every week.) It was terrible, and I felt like the wedding looked awful.

I woke up and realized...shit, I have to figure out what songs will be a part of our service. Soon.

Things That Make You Go Hmmm....

2005-03-12T12:22:00.000-08:00

So today I'm viewing the portfolio of a florist who will potentially be doing the flowers for our wedding. Among the lovely photos of centerpices and boquets and candelabras and other shots you would expect to see in a florist's portfolio is a photo of the urinals in a men's restroom. The kind that hang on the wall, not the kind that go all the way to the floor. And beneath the urinals is a floral arrangement - primarily greenery, but a floral arrangement no less. This raises a few questions in my mind:

Who is the person that decided that the urinals at the reception needed a floral arrangement?
What kind of budget must you have to afford a floral arrangement large enough to span under 3 urinals, in addition to all the other floral arrangements you must have had?
Was there equal treament in the ladies room?
What florist decides that THIS should be part of their portfolio? (It was a fine arrangement, but not as nice as the other things in the book in my opinion)
Has anyone looked at this portfolio and realized that THAT'S the extra-special detail their wedding was missing and then decided to add the urinal floral arrangement to the quote?

For our pocketbook's sake I'm hoping we won't be using this florist. He was a perfectly pleasant person, but the estimate he came up with was double what we've budgeted. Yeah, we may be able to cut back a little on what he estimated and bump up the budget a bit, but I don't want to do that extensive of surgery on the numbers if I don't have to. I should get quote #2 later this week, and have meeting #3 next Saturday.

How Do They Do It? aka Flowers

2005-03-11T23:08:00.000-08:00

I've seen the TV shows. I know how it's supposed to go. I'm supposed to plan this wedding while the groom sits at home and rolls his eyes at how much I'm spending and how much it's taking over my life. I'll begrudgingly drag him along to try on tuxes, letting him believe he has a choice in the matter, but using my feminine wiles to make him pick the tux I've already chosen. He's just got to show up for the rehearsal dinner and the main event.

I'm supposed to consult with my mom, with my maid of honor and bridesmaids, perhaps with a wedding coordinator, perhaps even with his mom, but in no way is the groom supposed to be involved in the planning. This is MY day that I've dreamed of since I was in the womb, and I've had every detail planned out since I was 10, I've just been looking for the boy to plug into the blank space at the altar.

Tomorrow I forage into the first taste of that experience and I am TERRIFIED. Due to my poorly timed flu our options are to wait until almost April to start looking for a florist, or for me to go out on my own to interview and make the pick. April's not really an option, so I'm going it on my own.

Thankfully, both the groom and I have discussed what we want the wedding to look like (at least to some extent). Thankfully, both the groom and I have decided on a predominant flower we'd LIKE to have. Thankfully, the colors and feel of that flower are distinct, so can perhaps be translated to other flowers or other ideas. But what if one of the florists I meet with is a raving lunatic and I just can't see it.

Part of what scares me is the experience interviewing photographers. Based on experiences on the phone I had preconceived notions about these people, and there was at least one instance where I missed some stuff the groom totally picked up on as we were interviewing them. But, at the end of the day, the photographer we picked was #1 in both of our books without even trying. I hope it turns out the same way with the florists.

Thankfully, I've got a small pool from which to select. The church that we are getting married at has a lot of rules regarding weddings. We're totally fine with that. Better with that than a lot of the photographers we interviewed were. We're also discovering that the church is fairly willing to bend the rules to work with you, as long as you respect the spirit of the law and have a reason for wanting to bend the rule. For example:

The rule: If you want singing at the wedding it must be from our pre-approved list of singers who actually know how to project into such a large space and won't sound like crap.

The bend: We want singers. MINIMUM experience for singers involved will be college choir experience. Yeah, they can project into such a large space and it's not just Aunt Dorothy wanting to serenade the crowd.

So it's no surprise that the church has rules regarding the flowers (where flower arrangements can be for the most part). They also have a list of six recommended florists who have worked in the space before and have the church's seal of approval. So, instantly we have the list narrowed down to six.

Of the six: One is booked for that day. One number was a home-style answering machine and my call was never returned. One was a wrong number. The list is now narrowed down to three.

I'm meeting with two tomorrow and one next Saturday. One of the one's I'm meeting with tomorrow charges $50 to even talk to me. If we book with him we get it credited to the event. When scheduling he originally suggested 11 am. I said I had an appointment at 11 am in a neighborhood that's about 20 minutes away from where he is (florist #2, but I didn't mention that), could we do it ANY other time of the day? He's alone in the shop from 12-4, so it would have to be before that, can I do 10? I ask how long the meeting usually takes. He says an hour. I suggest that if we meet at 10 there is no way I can make my 11 am meeting in a neighborhood 20 minutes away, how about 9:30. He begrudgingly says yes. It may be $50 out of the budget not to book him, but he's got a big X against him at the moment under the "easy to work with" category.

And how stupid is it to have to pay $50 to even talk to the guy? Normally I'd run from that as fast as I could, but three seems to me like the minimum number of people we must interview to do our due diligence. And one of the other florists has basically told me that if we pick someone off the list they know how to bend the rules to keep the church happy, so I REALLY want someone off the list. So I'll go and pay the $50 and see what he has to say.

So soon we may have flowers, and the planning is back on full swing.

In Which the Conspiracy is Revealed

2005-02-21T20:48:00.000-08:00

You may have noticed a distinct lack of activity on this blog lately. I've noticed. It's made me a bit nervous. I've heard the stories. As a bride I am supposed to devote every available second of my life to planning this wedding. Ideally I would have enough money at my disposal to quit the job, so I could turn the planning into a full time process. And then I'm going to hire someone on top of that to assist in the planning.

But I've spent about 15 minutes on wedding stuff in the last month (calling florists to set appointments), and I think we're well on schedule without killing ourelves later in the process.

Check the math for me - here's what we've got lined up thus far:
Church, Reception Hall, Caterer, Photographer, DJ, Wedding Dress, Hairdresser, Rehearsal Dinner.

Here's what's left to be lined up:
Florist, Invitations, Mens Attire, Bridesmaid Attire, Registry

There are also some things that we've gotten started on, but can't complete until later:
Honeymoon planning, Cake, Seating Arrangements

Plus a variety of details to be worked out, that I know will take up more time as we get closer to the date.

So what am I supposed to be spending all this time on? I suspect I'm supposed to make every one of our decisions much more difficult than it actually is. I'm supposed to spend weeks pondering exactly what the correct shade of pink should be. I'm supposed to interview every photographer/caterer/florist etc. in a tri-state region before making a decision. But really, I've got better things to do with my time. We're interviewing around 3-4 vendors in each given area and, assuming one fits our criteria and we are happy with the product they are offering, we book them. Could there be a slightly better photographer/caterer/florist etc. out there? Probably, but I'm not going to kill myself in the name of the hunt.

And I bet no one will notice the difference on the wedding day.

Princess Swankette

2005-02-13T21:41:00.000-08:00

While in Portland this weekend Sweetie and I swang by the bridal shop to pick up my tiara. My mother tried to insist that the groom not see the tiara until the wedding day, but I suspect that all things considered he will not be aware that I am wearing a tiara on the wedding day, so decided he's allowed to see it in advance.

After picking it up from the store I tried it on, so Sweetie could see what it looked like. And it made me feel like a princess, with that little band of rhinestones perched on top of my head, so I left it on. So if you were driving up SE 82nd Ave in Portland Saturday afternoon and were wondering why that girl was wearing a crown on top of her head now you now.

I stopped for gas at one point, and am convinced the 18 year old who helped me thought I was insane, wearing a sweatshirt and a tiara. And hey, maybe he's right.

We're going to a birthday party for Sweetie's mom tomorrow night. She's requested I wear the tiara. And when your future mother-in-law requests you wear a tiara to her birthday celebration it would be rude to dissapoint.

We may be coming up with other excuses to wear the tiara over the next 6 months. Because what fun is a tiara if you don't get to wear it?

Progress

2005-02-08T20:44:00.000-08:00

Florists have been contacted. Appointments have been made. There will be flowers at the wedding (assuming the budget allows). We're back into full swing now. The break was nice.

Honeymoon Update

2005-01-17T17:03:00.000-08:00

Well, it's looking like we might get to honeymoon in Hawaii after all! Mom was talking to the time-share folks this weekend (arranging their lodging for the wedding). Apparently we are on the level 2 list for Maui and level 1 for Kauai.

Not sure how one moves from one level to the next, but Maui is a longshot but Kauai is VERY LIKELY to happen. And if it doesn't, we'll just suffer with Cabo. Poor us, forced to go to Mexico for our honeymoon!

I'm REALLY hoping that Kauai will come through. Sweetie's never been to Hawaii, so he really wants to make it over to the islands.

If we went to Kauai we'd be staying just up the road from the place we spent when I went there with my family when I was 12. We went after my grandfather's death, he wanted the whole family (mom, dad, brother and grandma) to go on vacation together. It was SUCH an awesome trip! I got my first real crush (his name was Joel and he was from New Mexico) and my brother got to kiss Joel's sister, Julie. While there I got to see my first rated R movie - Blade Runner. Dad took Greg and Julie to see it one night because it was raining, and I asked if I could go along. I think he said yes so he'd have someone to sit next to in the theater. Having seen the movie since, I'm surprised the parents said yes and a little surprised that I wasn't scarred for life. So yeah, it would be nice to go there again.

I also think that it will be a lot easier to ensure we don't cross paths with any of Sweetie's food allergies while in the United States. Enough normal people have gastro-intestinal issues while in Mexico, it may just kill Sweetie and that's not a very fun way to spend a honeymoon.

So stay tuned, Mom says now is the time of year when a lot of the reservations get cancelled.

The Registry

2005-01-10T14:27:00.000-08:00

Ok, folks, time for audience participation again. This time we're talking the registry (aka, all those tres fabu gifts you're going to buy me and the sweetie).

First off, I know it's horribly gauche of me to even MENTION that we're registering for gifts anywhere, but let's get real, people. You know I'm going to register to try to avoid getting god-awful gifts from people, and I know you're going to buy gifts off the registry because you're a bunch of lazy slobs without a creative bone in your body, so let's just 'fess up to it and put it all on the table. And I WON'T be publicizing the registries in the invitation or anything like that, because I know that's a severe no-no, but if we're going to go through the time to register we might as well make sure it's worth the while.

I haven't thought TOO specifically about the registry yet. That said, it is the thing about my wedding that I've had the grandest plans for the longest, WELL before the groom entered the picture. Hey, I like to cook, and people will buy me stuff for my kitchen - how can I girl not dream? I WILL be registering for a Kitchen Aid Mixer. We will NOT be registering for China. I've already got my grandma's China and silverware. I stand to get Mom's TWO SETS of china someday (everday and christmas), plus her silverware. A girl can only use so much china.

But the million dollar question is WHERE should we register. If Mom got her way and I were still living in Portland and getting married to a boy who lives in Portland it would be a no-brainer, Meier and Frank for the nice stuff and Target just to give a few more options. My extended family is in St. Louis, where they have Famous and Barr, which is also part of the May Company, so it goes of without a hitch. However, I'm in Seattle now and we don't have Meier and Frank up here. We have The Bon, aka Bon Macy's.

This weekend, while in Portland, I stopped into Meier and Frank to see how that works between the two chains. (Didn't want to ask at The Bon, because I know they'd tell me it's seamless, just to get me to register there). What the wedding registry person told me is I send them our registry from The Bon, then they input it into their system. As items are purchased off the list, we can update on-line. In effect, we're running two registries for the price of one, because we'd have to keep The Bon updated as well. We also run into the situation that, although the carry many similar products they do have their differences, to there may be things we've registered for at The Bon that aren't available at Meier and Frank.

This is starting to sound like an awful lot of work to make sure we get the plates and towels we like. So now I'm thinking of throwing the big department stores out of the equation, and replacing them all with Crate and Barrel. They've finally entered the Oregon market, it seems to be the store of standard in the Seattle area, and then it's one clean list throughout the world. With Target as backup store, so really there will be something you can do.

So what do you think, folks? Where do you suggest we register for gifts? And my stoner friend has already suggested that if we register at the local head shop he'll buy us a bong, so you can cross that off your list right now.

Something New

2005-01-08T17:42:00.000-08:00

You are now reading the blog of a bride-to-be who has a wedding dress. Actually, in the interest of full disclosure, you are now reading the blog of a bride-to-be who has a piece of paper in her car and a charge to the wedding account to prove that she has ORDERED a wedding dress, but she won't actually have the dress until shortly before the wedding. The dress will arrive in the town where her parents live 6-8 weeks before the wedding. Her parents will receive the dress 2-8 weeks before the wedding (alternations PROBABLY won't be needed, but we're leaving the option open once the dress actually arrives), and the dress will arrive in Seattle the week of the wedding.

That said, there are photos of the dress on the internet. And if you ask very nicely (and swear on your life not to disclose any details on the dress to the groom) I can e-mail you a link to the photos. They will not be posted here, because the groom does not get security clearance when it comes to the dress until the day of the event. At the moment he can know it is white and it is strapless. The rest he can just leave up to his imagination.

To go along with the dress I also have a slip, a tiara and a veil. No bra. Don't need a bra with this dress. I'm just throwing that bit in to make the groom wonder. And trust me, he's wondering.

So now let me recount for you the hunt for the dress:

Mom and I started at 10 am this morning. Actually, Mom started a couple of weeks ago, calling around town to check out options and make appointments where appointments needed to be made. Lots of places appointments were not required, but we had an appointment at noon and one at 4 pm.

We started the morning at a store that's fairly near the folks place, where one of Mom's friend's kids bought her dress. It was a small botique and after we walked in the salesperson basically showed us a wall of dresses and said, "Here you go, let me know if you want to try any on." OK, I don't know about you, but I haven't worn a wedding dress before. I know my basic style, but I can't tell what's going to look good on me and what's going to look like crap. I'm also a big larger than your standard sample size, so we've got that challenge to work with as well. I grabbed a couple of dresses to try on and they were OK, but I knew my wedding dress was not to be found in that store. The person helping us did refer us to another store that she said would have more selection in my sizes (which is where I ended up buying the dress), and then suggested we come back to that store to order the dress because they carried similar designers catalogs. No thanks, you've been completely unhelpful, we'll move on.

The second store we went to was David's Bridal. AKA Costco for the modern bride, because it was a warehouse assembly line process from beginning to end. You need an appointment here. You show up, you sign in, they get you started at the beginning of the assembly line. Everything is off the rack, so they walk you to the section of the store with your size and you are instructed to select three dresses to try on. After that, your consultant will help you find more based on what you like/dislike. You are instructed to pick out one dress you don't think you'd like, just to see. Once you've handed in your dresses you go to the corner of shoes. Because the dresses "won't look right" if you try them on in flats. (Which makes no sense whatsoever, since the dresses are at least 6" too long, and you're standing on a box, so it really makes no difference. They just want to try to sell you some really uncomfortable shoes to go with the dress.) I tried on dress #1. Bleh. I tried on dress #2. It was a nice dress. I could see myself getting married in this dress. But it was more a "yeah, this is a nice dress, if nothing else is out there or this is the best there is" kind of feeling versus a "YEAH, this is the ONE" kind of feeling. However, the folks at Davids can sense even the slightest tinge of interest. The store manager is instantly at your side, telling you how fabulous the dress looks. Other salespeople are wandering by, telling you how fabulous the dress looks. They grab veils and headpieces and fire up the credit card machine. When I suggested that I might want to try on some more dresses they seemed surprised. The consultant went had selected another dress for me, based on what I'd seen thus far, and it just wasn't right either. There was also that third dress I had selected that I didn't think I'd like. And guess what, I didn't like it. And that was it, folks. To hear the salesperson and manager talk there were no more dresses to try on. Except I can see that there are HUNDREDS of dresses in this store. I could have spent DAYS trying on all the dresses in this store. But, apparently, my time on the assembly line was up and I'd expressed interest in a dress, so lets move it along. They're open Sundays, so I decided to sleep on it. We still had some more places on the list, and I wanted to explore my options.

Mom and I decided to try out the store that had been recommended earlier. Stopped for a bite to eat first, then swung by Bridal Exclusives in Clackamas, Oregon (in the Clackamas Promenade, between Target and Nordy's Rack for Portlanders out there). Met Jacqueline, my designated sales associate (no appointment necessary, but you may have to wait a bit). Told her what my tastes are (not lots of lace and floral crap), pointed out a couple of dresses I liked. She picked out a couple of others based on what I'd shared. One dress caught my eye that had a feature on it that salesperson at store #1 had said wouldn't look good on me. Jacqueline disagreed, and we added it to the pile. Doesn't hurt to try it on.

Bridal store fitting rooms totally feed into the "Special Bride" feeling. No where more so than this place. You've got a GIANT floor to ceiling miror, with fitting rooms on either side, to form a short, squat "U" at the open part of the "U" you've got a very low wall, and on the other side of the wall you've got benches for the friends and loved ones to sit and view the gowns. It was TOTALLY "The Swank Show!"

So I try on the questionable dress. The size she had grabbed was a bit big, but we went with it. Went out to the mirror. Oh yeah, this is the one. Really, it's perfect. I can't give more information than that, because then the groom would have less to wonder about. She looks and they have the dress in a more appropriate size for me, so we try that one on. Yeah, baby, this is it.

But she doesn't go in for the kill. We try on at least three more dresses. But none of them measures up. We have a finalist for the position, and it is dress #1. So then we try it on again, this time without the bra, because the way it is it actually works better without. And it looks even better now. So now it's just a matter of putting the ensemble together. She grabs a pair of shoes to try on. They're actually very similar to a pair of shoes I own. Cool thing about this dress is I can order it in the exact size I've tried on, or in "petite" which makes the hem 3" shorter. The hem on the current dress is 5" too long, so we decide on the petite dress and 2" heels. And the shoes I own that I thought might work for my wedding shoes (strappy silver sandals) are 2" heels. SOLD!

Mom recently gave me grandma's old pearls. I thought it might be neat to wear those for my wedding day. She grabs some pearls they have to try on with the dress. BEAUTIFUL! Grandma's pearls it will be.

She then grabs a tiara and a veil. Tiara's are dang expensive! $100 give or take for a little piece of metal with some rhinestones and fake pearls. But, I can splurge for the tiara and still stay below the total wedding ensemble budget, so let's go for it. The tiara I found incorporates the pearls in the necklace and the daisies I'll likely be carrying. And the veil is a lovely veil, but it's hard to describe a piece of netting. Even though I tried on 4 differen pieces of netting and they all looked different on. But trust me, it's a beautiful piece of netting.

Then it's just a matter of placing the order and putting down the deposit.

I think I may need to find a bracelet to wear, but other than that my outfit is set. I'll even get to stick with the tradition:

Something old - Grandma's pearls
Something new - the dress
Something borrowed - Mom's going to let me borrow her pearl earrings.
Something blue - Toenails

Another first

2005-01-06T20:28:00.000-08:00

Today at work, I was asked this question by my boss:

"TeacherRefPoet, hypothetically, if it came up, would you [insert hellish job that will eat a lot of my time and emotional energies over the next few months for almost no financial remuneration]?"

The response was out before I realized what a big barrier had been crossed:

"I'll have to talk it over with Swankette before making that commitment."

Whoa! Running it by the little Mrs.! Cool!

Let Them Eat Cake

2005-01-03T20:34:00.000-08:00

The aspect of the wedding planning for which I've had the most trepidation is the wedding cake. Yes, even more than Dan, Dan, the Dancing Man. You see, I knew that there was a DJ out there, somewhere, that could get the job done for us, it was just a matter of doing the research and legwork.

I was not as confident that there existed a wedding cake that would meet our requirements. The groom is allergic to egg and soy. His father is allergic to egg and corn. His brother-in-law is allergic to legumes. At first I had the inspiration of a vegan baker, but soy is the basis of a lot of vegan fare.

Last night's insomnia was spent blanket e-mailing bakers in the Puget Sound asking if they could help me, or offer any recommendations. The ones I e-mailed directly weren't able to help, but they were kind enough to offer some advice. GOOD NEWS!

There is a baker in Seattle who has completely egg, corn and soy free cakes. They use organic chick pea flour, which means the brother-in-law can't have the cake, but we solve that problem by having them make the cake that will be on display that we cut and buying sheet cakes from another baker made the old-fashioned full-of-egg way, which everyone else can chow down from. This is pending a taste test, but I have hope.

I'm also contacting both of the local natural food markets to see if they can help us out to give us a few more options.

So now I know we can get it ALL done! Not to say there won't be the minor mishaps along the way, but I was seriously questioning if we'd be celebrating the occassion with a wedding pie instead of cake.

Back to Business

2005-01-03T20:30:00.000-08:00

You may have noticed a lull in posts over the last couple of months. With the move and the holidays finding the time to work on wedding stuff was a challenge. We did get a few important items checked off the list: Save the date cards were made and mailed and we've made it through 2/3 of our premarital counseling.

But now I'm back at it with a vengeance. We've got the DJ booked, I've started researching bakers, and am planning on sitting down this weekend and sketching out the to do list and calendar of the next 7 months so something doesn't fall through the cracks.

Audience Participation

2005-01-03T01:16:00.000-08:00

OK, folks, time to get some input from the masses again. And I don't care if you're masses I've never met before, if you've stumbled across this blog you're welcome to give your input. (I don't promise to follow it, but I'll read it and take it into consideration.)

Sweetie and I are now possession of a CD containing lots of goodies from the DJ to help us select what songs we want played at the wedding, and what are on the DO NOT PLAY list. DJ PROMISES that even if EVERYONE AT THE RECEPTION requests a song on the DO NOT PLAY list he will not play it without explicit approval from us. I told him I want him to point out to me exactly who request the Macarena, so I can kick them out of the reception and disown them as a friend.

So, what songs are gonna' make you get up and boogie? What songs will make you go hide out in the restrooms or force you to take up smoking so you can stay outside?

Here's what I know (or am relatively certain) will be played at some point during the evening:
"Power of Two" - Indigo Girls
"Stardust" - Nat King Cole (although not sure if the Nat King Cole version or not)
"True Love" - Bing Crosby
"It's the End of the World as We Know It and I Feel Fine" - REM
"Do ya' Think I'm Sexy" - Rod Stewart
"Dancing Queen" - Abba
"Time Warp" - Rocky Horror Picture Show
"Love You Madly" - Cake

Here's what I know will NOT be played at the wedding:
"Macarena"
"Electric Slide"
any song that has a line dance that goes along with it
Celine Dion
Whitney Houston

Amazingly enough, The Chicken Dance isn't on top of the DO NOT PLAY list. I'm wavering on that one. One of mom's best friends LOVES the song, and I can see Sweeties nephews and niece getting into it.

Recommendations, please. Editors note: I've realized I missed some things, so this will be a work in progress.

Anticipation

2005-01-03T01:07:00.000-08:00

This week is going to DRAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG by. No, I'm not psychic. I'm just psyched to go wedding dress shopping with my mom this weekend.

Yes, I did just type that: I am PSYCHED to go wedding dress SHOPPING with my mom this weekend. The Mom who gave me a french, feminine name because she wanted a girly-girl into frills and lace and dresses. The Mom who gets upset because I tend to speed-shop when we go clothes shopping and can case a store in just a few minutes rather than flipping through every single item on every single rack. The Mom who, when I was in high school and she wanted to buy me clothes for Christmas, would go into a store she knew I liked and have the salesperson pick out an outfit for me, because the random salesperson on the street knows my fashion sense better than my own mother. I am PSYCHED to go find my wedding dress with her. The wedding planning disease has obviously hit me hard.

But, really, when you look at it up-close it makes perfect sense. Being 200 miles away Mom doesn't get to be very involved in the wedding planning process (which is, for the most part, a good thing. See that note about our different styles above). Mom did request she be involved in the purchasing of the dress. I need someone else to be involved, and the girl attendant lives 3,000 miles away, so Mom will do the trick. By going to Mom I don't have to pay sales tax for the very expensive clothing. Also, Mom's had a lot of friends whose kids have gotten married over the last few years. So she's got connections on where we can get deals on dresses in PDX. She got the task of calling around to make appointments, check out prices to make sure it was worth our while, etc. I just have to make the drive town to Portland. As an added bonus, it's a debate weekend for the Sweetie, so I'll be missing maybe 5 minutes of face-time with him by heading out of town.

HOPEFULLY the joy of the big white dress will overwhelm my mother, so she won't push too hard for the lace and rhinestones that I'm sure are much more her cup of tea. She's usually pretty good at knowing when our tastes are going down completely different paths and keeping her mouth shut. Plus, shopping has always been our mother-daughter bonding activity (to this day if she feels she isn't getting enough Swank time she'll offer to take me shopping, to bribe me into spending time with her as it were), so this will just be that to the extreme.

We've got 4-5 places lined up to check out. Wish me luck!

Selling to the Savvy Bride

2005-01-03T01:00:00.000-08:00

Sweetie did a good job recounting our experiences at the wedding show today. But, the business major in me must comment on a couple of things that just AMAZED me when folks were trying to sell us their services today:

You are a DJ who is telling me you know how to read a crowd. If that's true then how come you can't read the THOROUGHLY ANNOYED look on my face that is telling you to JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!
One of your selling points is, "All of our DJ's are clean"?!?! Does this need to be stated? Am I a fool for ASSUMING that the professionals I hire to come to my wedding will be CLEAN?!?! Mom's promised to make sure the the brother cleans up for the big day (more an issue of infrequent laundering than anything else, but Mom will be buying him new threads for the big day) -- other than that I didn't think I needed to state this to anyone.

But here's how I know that Meatloaf is the right DJ for us. We had told him of our distaste for "Dan, Dan, the Dancing Man." He got it. Because we were booking at the wedding show we had the opportunity to add some freebies onto our package - ceremony music or karaoke at the reception. I facetiously asked Sweetie if he wanted Karaoke at the reception, and Meatloaf's response was "That would be Ken, Ken, The Karaoke Man." Yeah, he'll be our bitch.

DJ...check

2005-01-02T16:26:00.000-08:00

The Bridal Show wasn't terrible. My bride did not wear the "Bride-to-be" sticker in the shape of a heart. (This enabled me to say "You don't have a heart on for me!" Say it aloud...it's freakin' hilarious.) Vendors talked to me. It wasn't a zoo of prissy women in their early 20s. It was just fine.

The main task was to get a DJ. The first group we went to see was pretty slick...a great website, loads of DJs to send your way, and the owner we were talking to seemed to understand our needs and what we wanted. He got it off to a good start...

but then the second guy we talked to was a terrible salesman. My business major bride-to-be really gets annoyed when people who are supposed to be selling things are bad at it. He started right off by saying "Getting a DJ is like buying a used car." Huh? I didn't feel an adversarial relationship with this guy going in, but now I did. He then went on for five minutes badmouthing DJ company #1, talking about how their DJs are underpaid, how they don't really care about you, how they do terrible work...blah blah blah. I was eager to hear a reason to hire him, but after about eight hundred reasons not to hire DJ #1, I never got a positive for his gang. Net result: I didn't want DJ #1 OR DJ #2.

Then we met Meat Loaf. No, not the real Meat Loaf, just a guy who looked like Meat Loaf. He was decked out nicely in his tux, mullet, and mustache. (Yeah, I know that Mr. Loaf does not have a mustache...but if he did, he'd look like this guy.) Swankette and I were impressed with Meat Loaf, actually...he answered the questions correctly. The main question, as always, was "What would I see or hear if I walked into one of your wedding receptions?" His answer was totally correct: "It depends." DJ #1 said this too, but I didn't think his heart was in it. DJ #2 was too busy ripping on DJ #1. Meat Loaf understood just fine.

DJ #4 said "Oh, only one of our guys is available that day." Instead of selling his company and touting the strengths of the available man, he shooed us away and recommended DJ #5. What a dork.

DJ #5 said that we could make as many specific requests as we wanted. He said that we could request "Take My Breath Away," and it didn't even have to be the Jessica Simpson version! It could be the...uhm...the other version. BERLIN, you moron! How can a guy my age not remember the performer of the song that provided the theme for homecoming 1986? His answer to the big question was twofold: "I like to get the little kids out dancing first!" and a long description of the anniversary dance...he acted as though he'd invented it. How the hell is the anniversary dance supposed to get people up and dancing anyway? Hmmm.

So we'd basically decided that Meat Loaf was the best. We headed back to him. We still had trepidations...we just wanted to ensure that Meat would not be, as Joe calls him, "Dan Dan the Dancin' Man." That's simply not acceptable at our reception. We asked a few tentative questions, and then my baby laid it on the line: "Look. We just want to know we won't be getting Dan Dan the Dancin' Man." Meat laughed. He got the joke, and understood what we didn't want. He checked his calendar...and found out that he himself would be the DJ available on our date! That, plus his willingness to write into the contract that he will be our DJ barring "a dire emergency or an act of God" [my wording...I sure know contracts!] made all the difference. Then, I asked if we could go spy on his next wedding reception (with the bride and groom's permission, of course). He agreed, and added something that was again, right on the money: "But remember, that bride and groom might want Dan Dan the Dancin' Man." True. So if he plays "The Macarena" at that reception, it'll be fine if everybody reacts in a happy manner. But I'm confident. Mullet or not, he gets it.

Next: Vegan bakers (due to allergies, not to morals) and florists.

Cover me! I'm going in!

2004-12-27T23:45:00.000-08:00

On Sunday January 2, my bride will be taking me to a Wedding Expo.

Men, have you been to one? What can I expect?

She'll get a bride sticker and I'll get a groom sticker. We're thinking of trading stickers and seeing how people react.

Dealing out the tables...

2004-12-22T10:11:00.000-08:00

Was, again, fun. Most of what we're doing with wedding planning as fun, which is, to be honest, a pleasant surprise. I was expecting it to feel more like a chore, but we're cutting up through the whole thing, and I'm enjoying it.

The toughest part was not letting any people from the same aspect of life wind up at the same table. For instance: I have at least a couple dozen co-workers who are invited to the wedding. It would be easy...very, very easy...to simply put them all at a few tables together and call it good. But crap, this isn't the faculty lounge. This is our wedding. You will meet people, and if you don't like them, you can stand up and move around as soon as you get the cake.

As is, we managed to only break that rule once or twice. You will meet cool people who we believe you have at least one thing in common with, and there'll be people you've never met before.

My favorite table: Table 21. The commonality everyone shares: TOP SECRET.