The Uninvited
Sweetie and I completed guest list version 2.0 last night, in preparation for sending out save the date/Christmas cards. The list hasn't really changed since guest list 1.0, but after the first go-round of the guest list there was some major stress and tension due to the methods used to derive the list, so we started from scratch last night and now have a list that everyone is happy with.
Well, almost everyone.
To get to a list of around 200 people cuts had to be made. For me that primarily consisted of friends I've known forever but haven't talked to much lately. I'd love to invite you, but my the wedding budget precludes that so we'll go grab a beer together sometime instead.
Many of my parents friends on the list are people who attend their church. Which was also my church until around 1999. A couple of them have children my age. One of those is the bride who gifted me a bunch of old magazines. In high school we were good friends. She is now a redneck who drives a truck with a confederate flag and a gun rack. I did attend her wedding a couple of years ago, but she will not get an invite to mine. If the budget and space permitted she would be on the guest list, but it's a numbers game right now and she doesn't make the cut.
Another one of those is someone I've never really been close to. We can play nice at functions, but we've never really clicked at all. If I were to win the lottery tomorrow I cannot imagine inviting her to my wedding. I did not attend her wedding (not sure if I was invited or not). Really, she's not on the list. No offense, just not one of the people I feel need to share in this day. The thing is, her mom has decided she is on the list and has already told my mom how excited they are to come. Mom supports my decision not to invite her, but also cannot tell her mom that really the daughter is not on the list. The compromise we've worked out is this: Mom's friend and husband will be the only ones invited. Mom supsects friend and daugther will come and husband will stay at home. That will be two guests. The uninvited will be sitting with her mom at that table, and if she's bored to tears that's her tough deal.
I really do sound like a bitch, don't I? I sincerely don't want to be one of those, "It's my day so I shall rule with an iron fist" type of brides, but a person's got to have limits.
So if you're at the wedding and you meet someone about my age and can't figure out what we share in common and why I'd invite her to the party you now have your answer - she's the uninvited.
Well, almost everyone.
To get to a list of around 200 people cuts had to be made. For me that primarily consisted of friends I've known forever but haven't talked to much lately. I'd love to invite you, but my the wedding budget precludes that so we'll go grab a beer together sometime instead.
Many of my parents friends on the list are people who attend their church. Which was also my church until around 1999. A couple of them have children my age. One of those is the bride who gifted me a bunch of old magazines. In high school we were good friends. She is now a redneck who drives a truck with a confederate flag and a gun rack. I did attend her wedding a couple of years ago, but she will not get an invite to mine. If the budget and space permitted she would be on the guest list, but it's a numbers game right now and she doesn't make the cut.
Another one of those is someone I've never really been close to. We can play nice at functions, but we've never really clicked at all. If I were to win the lottery tomorrow I cannot imagine inviting her to my wedding. I did not attend her wedding (not sure if I was invited or not). Really, she's not on the list. No offense, just not one of the people I feel need to share in this day. The thing is, her mom has decided she is on the list and has already told my mom how excited they are to come. Mom supports my decision not to invite her, but also cannot tell her mom that really the daughter is not on the list. The compromise we've worked out is this: Mom's friend and husband will be the only ones invited. Mom supsects friend and daugther will come and husband will stay at home. That will be two guests. The uninvited will be sitting with her mom at that table, and if she's bored to tears that's her tough deal.
I really do sound like a bitch, don't I? I sincerely don't want to be one of those, "It's my day so I shall rule with an iron fist" type of brides, but a person's got to have limits.
So if you're at the wedding and you meet someone about my age and can't figure out what we share in common and why I'd invite her to the party you now have your answer - she's the uninvited.
posted by Swankette at 11:13 AM
4 Comments:
Sounds like a perfectly polite and reasonable solution to me. You're not being bitchy or anything.
kaphine
Sounds very fair - a suggestion, though: have a Guest List 2.1 I've attended some weddings where, out of a list of 400, 388 attended. I've also attended others where out of 200, 100 were unable to attend, so another 50 were invited. Even if you don't end up inviting anyone on the 2.1 list, it at least existed.
I get the concept of a guest list 2.1, but in our situation I don't think it will work out.
1. Over 50% of the guest list is from out of town, so we're doing save the date cards. How do we ask someone to save the date in case they get invited to the wedding? Or people they know get save the date cards and they don't, then suddenly they get an invite.
2. Locals who were on the final cut are most often folks like the colleagues we'd LIKE but don't quite have the room for. If all the other colleagues get the invite one week and you get your two weeks later... you know something's up.
3. We're budgeting for a certain number to make sure we have money to feed and space to seat everyone. The "must haves" have already confirmed attendance. Even if it ends up being 50 people, we'll just have that much more room for dancing and can afford that much more booze and that many more flowers to decorate.
Another important point is that almost all of the people who will attend will RSVP in a timely fashion, and almost all of the people who can't will put it off, and put it off, and put it off. It's actually very difficult to make a late-inning call to the guest bullpen.
On the other hand, remember this fact when the "Yes" RSVPs come raining in and it looks like every last person you invited is actually coming.
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