Since I posted the last Songs post, The Fiancee has inherited a book entitled The Ultimate Guide to Wedding Music
. I say inherited because, when you're a bride, every recently-married woman remotely connected to you hurls all of the wedding-related literature she no longer needs upon you. This woman was, I believe, the daughter of The Fiancee's mom's friend. Anyway. Included in this book are "Lyrics for 100 Popular Wedding Songs." And reading them made an incredibly good laugh. Join me, will you? These are actual suggestions from their top 100:
"All Through The Night"
I love the Jules Shear version, like the Cyndi Lauper version, but I don't understand the chorus at all. Or the verses. What's up with "Stray cat is crying so stray cat sings back"? And, cool song though it is, "Until it ends/There is no end" might be one of the dumbest lyrics I can think of.
"Baby I Love Your Way"
The most popular wedding song for knocked-up HS students of the 1970s. Or, I suppose, we could dance to the UB40 version...
"Because You Loved Me"
Dancing to a song from a movie about the short, effed-up life of Jessica Savitch. Context, people--context! Plus, The Fiancee would become the fastest ex-wife ever if Celine Dion were played for this dance.
"Doin' It All for My Baby"
Huey Lewis! Holy crap! Has anyone ever actually used this song for a first dance???? Even if it were done by someone else, I think we could throw this one out. I can't picture dancing in front of my friends and family to the following immortal lyrics, not given on the lyrics site: "Doin' it! Doin' it. Doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, yeah. Doin' it! Doin' it. Doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, woo-hoo. Doin' it! Doin' it. Doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it." (Please let me know if I got any of those lyrics wrong.) Although maybe she'd agree to dance to "Hip to Be Square" instead...
Worst. Song. Ever. When I was in sixth grade when this thing was popular, where the lyrics said "two hearts," my buddy Joe and I would sing "two farts." And we felt so naughty. I still sing it that way. Plus, in the movie, the guy burns the girl's parents' house down. CONTEXT, please, people!!!
"Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?"
The italics in the title (yes, there really are) have always disturbed me. First of all, this is my wedding, so yes, I have...I've loved this one. Really.
But then I get to thinking about what exactly Bryan Adams might mean by really.
And I start to think, well, I guess it depends on what's hidden in those italics. Is it some massive sacrifice of all my worldly possessions for a woman? Is it some sick and dangerous sexual practice? The italics intimdate me.
"Everything I Do (I Do It For You)"
(and en espanol
Did Bryan Adams sleep with the editor of this book?
"I Honestly Love You"
In addition to context, I beseech all engaged couples: LISTEN TO THE WHOLE DAMNED SONG. Do you want this at your wedding? "If we both were born/In another place and time/This moment might be ending in a kiss/But there you are with yours/And here I am with mine/So I guess we'll just be leaving it at this."
Unless this song is code from a bride or groom to one of the guests, it's a terrible idea.
"If You Asked Me To"
I just did, didn't I???? You know, at the church????
"Love is Alive"
Again, I'm just picturing a wedding where this was the first song...and this time I'm seeing a lot of white guys in afros. (Although I do like this song.)
"More Than Words."
I have a visceral reaction to how terrible a choice this is. It's one of the most bitter songs out there, I think, from a boyfriend to a girlfriend. The lyrics basically say that the singer is dissatisfied with his partner and wishes she'd do more to "prove" her love to him. It feels like an emotionally abusive relationship to me, and to dance to the spirit of "baby, you're not doing enough to convince me that your love is real" is sick. In fact, one college buddy of mine, who hated the song intensely, said that it should be renamed "Shut Up and Fuck Me," because that's really the message of the song. I don't know if that's true, but I would like her to write a song called "Shut Up and Fuck Me." Indeed, if she did, it might make this list of wedding songs.
Why would anyone pick "More Than Words"? I think that headbangers might pick it because it's the only slow-dance song they can think of.
"Somewhere Out There"
"Somewhere out there/Beneath the pale moonlight/Someone's thinking of me/And loving me tonight." Wait...isn't he/she in the building? Indeed, isn't he/she dancing with you? Plus, a song made famous by a rodent isn't really a possibility.
"The Wind Beneath My Wings"
Another sick-ass song. TRP's translation is as follows: "Hey! I know you've been neglected by me all along, but I thought I'd mention you now in a lame attempt to make up for all of it." How could anyone dance at their wedding to a song that begins "It must have been cold there in my shadow"? Who the hell would do this?
"You Light Up My Life"
I thought this was a song about God...but since my source is The Simpsons
, I might be wrong.
We'll stick with our original choices, thank you...